Haven't been here in a while

wilma wonka's picture

The school musical kinda consumed my life. I was the only person doing props, and I was either playing in the orchestra or singing/acting in just about all the songs in the 2 hr show except for a few songs where I did both. Yeah, I've been busy. The show was Ragtime by the way. It came together really late but when it finaly did it was one of the best musicals my school has ever done. It was kinda frustrating tho, cuz I probably worked just as hard as the leads, maybe even harder, but I got virtualy no audience recognition for that and I was so consumed by the work that I didn't have much fun and didn't really feel like a part of the cast cuz I could never hang out with them cuz I was ALWAYS working. O well, at least it's done and I'm not gonna be in the cast next year, I'll just do props and orchestra which I enjoyed more anyways.

Now that the play is over, I've started softball!!!!!!! :) Yes, I'm that gay, lol. I havn't gotten any exercise because of the play so I was really out of shape and had to start about 2 weeks into practice. The first day I was at practice was Wednesday when we had conditioning so I went from getting no exercise to running a mile, and then doing core and agility training stuff. I'm still sore. But yesterday's practice was a lot of fun, it seems like the teem sorta becomes a family which will be really nice, so even though I can't go down stairs without cringing, I'm looking foward to this season. Hopefully once I get back into shape it won't be so bad.

Other things that have been going on: I've been trying to get used to being out. I came out to about half the grade on Febuary 1st but not that much has changed. I'm getting better at being open (making gay jokes etc in public).

Also, I'm still half-questioning my sexuality for practicly no reason. Every month around my period I get hormonal and girl-crazy (I think that pretty much every girl I see under the age of 40 is hot and I fantisize about girls constantly) But then for the rest of the month I'm almost asexual and then I start wondering if I'm bi. Even when I am hormonal and thinking about girls I start questioning my sexuality, which REALLY doesn't make sense, and then I try to imagine myself with boys, I get grossed out or bored. Despite all this I still wonder if I'm bi. I'm wierd. O well


jeff's picture


There is no HALF-questioning.

That's like me saying there's this guy I'm half-fucking.

You're questioning.

You play softball. girls are hot. boys are icky. What part of this doesn't say lesbian?

Now I'm questioning.... why this is an issue. :-)


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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wilma wonka's picture

the musical

I also play the harp and take that a lot more seriously than softball so I'm not really the gayest person ever, I'm pretty close though. But that's the thing, I don't really know why I can't just believe that I'm actualy lesbian, maybe I'm still a little homophobic or something. I don't know, it's wierd and I don't know how to explain it.

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.