I need a girlfriend. I’ve tried so hard to be happy being single, but damn it, I want to be loved by someone I love. I hate these one-sided messes I always get myself into. I have all this love and it’s got nowhere to go! It just turns on itself and goes sour and gets wasted, and turned into bitter feelings that I don’t want but can’t seem to escape. I’m angry right now. Love shouldn’t be wasted. I wish there were an on-off switch I could use, to control who I loved, and when, and how much, like manipulating machinery. It would be so much more efficient.
Marie’s boyfriend showed up at practice today. He lives far away, so today was only the third time I’ve seen him. I can see they’re perfect together, and I hate it. I really and truly do. I feel crushed.
This is going to drive me crazy someday.