So yesterday,me and my friends(yes,she was also there),went out to this shopping fair which has come up.
Eveythng was pretty cool because maybe im just too good at pretending.
But then,i lost it.Completely.
My best frnd K was going to take a picture of HER ass...like you noe,when she walk's...because evry1 know's she's got a GOOD ass.
And then S started walking,and K was just about to take the picture,When i took the camera out of her hand and said "no more picture's!"
S came running to us,and looks confused.she goes like,"whats wrong?"
I go like,(now almost yelling)"nothing is wrong!nothing was ever wrong!i have too many pictures of YOU and your BUTT!i dont need any more!"
I walk off furiously to the nearby food counter.
After that incident,my mood was fucked royally.
All that buried jealousy of seeing her and this other friend of our's (C),holding hands...cuddling...pecking each other on the cheek,was coming out.
All that crushed resistance,of seeing her smooth cleavage,of seeing her glossy lips,was seeping out.
I cudnt hold it all inside anymore.I dint want to.
They took stupid crazy picture's,whereas i just stood far away and threw my Pepsi can on the floor,with all the force i had,and crushed it beneath my feet.And kept crushing it,until it became a thin flat piece.
They 3 walked together in a group.while i just lingered around them.In my own fucked up world.
Thats when i heard S say"whats wrong with her?why is she so damn moody?!"
That was like the trigger i was waiting for. I started crying. Bad. Really hard.Sobbing.Like there's no tmrw.
My dear friend char saw me and hugged me tight.she asked me if i was okay,and i shook my head.S and K just walked on ahead.I asked C,"what if you really want to get over someone,but just cant?"(through my sobs)
She said,"look,i dont know who this person is,but if u really want to let go,think about all the bad things this person ever dis to you...it might help"
I gave that a thought and said,"It doesnt.It just worsens things.beause i seem to see that person almost everytime!"
She said,"well,if avoiding contact with that person helps,so do it.do anything to make you feel good.you must think of your health..Your mental health"
Thats when i actually looked at her through my teary eyes,and sighed.I wish i could tell her WHO that person was.It was non other than her NEW best friend.I obviously cant tell her.It would be like coming out and im not ready to tell her yet.She just assumed it were some boy.
Thank god the day came to end soon,and i dint have to show my teary face to S any longer.
Maybe i am fucked.Maybe i am moody.Maybe i need to get a life.
A life which doesnt have to necassarily have her in it.
And i know i deserve that.