I talked to my best friend today. I told him that I felt like my parents were gonna find out pretty soon. And he said that if I ever needed a place to lay my head his house was always available. I can have the whole third floor, he said.
My father found a cookie a year ago for a gay site...theGYC on my computer and said, "Son! Whatever you do, I don't want to find out that you are gay..." *rocks back and forth* "It goes against God and number two that lifestyle carries a lot of sexual diseases."
My father is a Baptist pastor. I feel so scared. He will be distraught. Sometimes I think 'Why don't I just jump out the window? No one will notice. Just drop the books and run. '
I feel like I'm dead, dying and going to die all at the same time.
I feel like I'm about to cry...And this is going to hurt them and shatter their hopes for me. I know I am who I am but I love them too much to tell straight-up, ya know? I am my mother's only child. The others? Miscarriaged and stillborn.
I'm not sick but I'm not well!