"it's the same old story"

the_loser's picture

Lately I've been debating on whether I want to tell my friends, or a friend, that I'm bi. Actually, it's been like a month since I've been thinking about it. Theres a couple reasons I don't want to tell them though. I can't actually see myself telling them. I'm pretty sure they would accept me, and I don't think they would have a problem, but when I think of a situation, like me sitting at lunch, I'm afraid I might not be able to get the words out right. Plus, I'm a little hesitant because I'm not completely sure. I've accepted the fact that I'm not straight, but I hate to tell someone something and then later down the road have it be wrong because I always like to be sure of myself, which sucks because I'm really indecisive. -_-
A couple of months ago when I knew I was bi I thought to myself that I wouldn't need to tell anyone until I actually had to, like if I ever was in a relationship, which is something I've never seen myself in, and still don't, so I didn't feel I had to worry about it. It seems different now. No, it IS different now. It doesn't feel like I need to tell someone, but I want to tell someone. And I want them to know. I guess it just feels like I'm lying if I don't. I also know I have to prepare myself. Once I tell someone, ANYONE, it has the possibility, and a great one, to spread. And I'm not sure I want everyone to know just yet. I'm not sure I want people to hate me for no reason, or stop talking to me. That's probably an exaggeration, most people at my school are tolerant of gay people. We have a good number of bi kids, but I know some people don't like them just for that reason. I'm probably not ready for rejection. You know, it's one of my fears actually. I'll never get used to it. I'm sure once I tell someone I'll feel much much better about myself, like I just lifted a great load off my chest. I'm still unsure though. But some things I think I just need to do without thinking, and I'm starting to think this is one of them.
I really need to stop thinking.