Maybe,sometime,I might explode.

the ghost's picture

I want to have some fun!!!!! I was meant to go out with my friend tonight.But she called earlier to say she is kind of sick and not sure if she can make it.Which is usually her code for I'm not sure what my boyfriend is doing yet,if he is free I'm not coming.Which is really annoying for me!I've been looking foward to tonight all week and now bam its probably going to be a night home alone :/.

I need to increase my circle of friends.The ones that want to spend lots of time with me irritate me to some extent when we are together for long periods.Well mainly one friend.He is totally in love with me,which,yes is very flattering.But can also be very annoying as he wants to spend every waking hour with me,and to be honest somtimes I find him a little bit of a perv.He knows I am gay.There is no confusion there,he knows he will never be having any sexy time with me.But he tends to ask me stuff like what colour underwear am I wearing today...or he references his cock often,usually in sentences involving wanting to put it in me.Ok you are probably wondering why I even bother spending any time with him at all if I find him that annoying.Well generally he is a funny,sound guy.But he just seems to have days where he cannot control what is coming out of his mouth and they are the days that make me want to have some distance.I feel kind of bad now bitching about him so I'll move on.

I'm not sure what I want to move onto talking about though.I guess I could study tonight.But that is all I seem to do lately.I need to socialise,have some fun!I have two weeks off college I should really be cutting loose a little.I've been edging a little closer to joinging my college's glbt group.I know I have gone on about doing that for ages.I found the clubs bebo site.So I was thinking to mail them and find out about their meetings and stuff.I know I should really just bite the bullet on this and go along and get out there.I've been going round in circles with this since I joined this site a little under two years ago.

I had that realisation the other night.Just how long I'd been coming on here.It feels kind of strange because I don't feel like the same person I was then.I mean that in a good way.I've changed so much,and so has a lot of other things in my life which I am happy about.On the other hand if I was to know,two years ago that I'd still be here worrying about trying to come-out completely,still single,I think I would have been like wtf.But that is how it is.I think my main problem is that I wait for things to happen to me as opposed to just making things happen.That is true for a lot of aspects of my life which I would like to change.I really want to get a band together too.Or at least get out there by myself and perform a little.I'm thinking that maybe this Summer will be the time to implement some changes.

I am kicking off this years Summer holidays with a month long trip to Oz!This will be a big change for me as I have never been away from home for so long.I'm hoping to make some changes when I get back from there.I will be off college and away from the pressure of that so I hopefully will have time and space to make the changes I need to make.Though I know I shouldn't put off till tomorrow what I can do today.I'm just not one hundred per cent sure I am ready to do anything at the moment.But I also feel a little like I could explode.