minor crisis

electricity's picture

Aside from that delicious picture of Ellen Page [in which I said "fuck it" and put it under my who I'd like to meet], I haven't been feeling well these days.

Physically, my arm killed me the other night with a constant sort of charlie-horse and I cut my thumb really gnarly on my backpack the other day. But it's mentally that's dragging.

A decent summary would be I'm at a loss of lesbian/gay friends, I want to break up with C and don't know how to do it [and I think she feels it coming], all the cute girls are either too young, too religious, or too damn straight, and I live in the middle of a town that is conservative and I feel people are sick of my flambouncy.

Well, whoever said I was being mature about this?

But I guess it kind of amounts to some level of lonliness. I want someone [more] to relate too. Sure, C digs chicks but is also stuck in this mindset of keeping it quiet and that it's better to keep it under our shoes. The gay girls I see are still closeted and not really even ensuring they are gay and it's frustrating that there aren't any lesbians who are my age and out and open. OPEN.

God, I'm as open about my sexuality as can be. I might as well wear an 'I love girls' shirt.

And sometimes I feel like I'm being tooo gay. I know that everyone gets sick of it, including C. The fact that I've transformed into this lesbian who loves girls way too much and talks about them way too much and is far to righteous about her cause has C and S talking, I'm pretty sure. How they miss me, or something. I don't know C was brief in telling me this.

Ugh, and it makes me mad because [--now I'm just ranting--] I haven't transformed I'm just being who I've always been and never got to really be.

I don't know whether to credit it to my lack of relativity to anyone or their relativity to them or if I really am just being too gay.

I have more on the brain I'd like to blow off, but I'm sleepy.

Comments

Leisa's picture

I'm not sure there's such a

I'm not sure there's such a thing as too gay...I mean, can people act too straight?

electricity's picture

Hey good point! And no, they

Hey good point! And no, they can't. Girls who love love love guys aren't called too straight. Psh.

Leisa's picture

I say, the gayer the better.

I say, the gayer the better.

RAWRchicken's picture

You're right. Girls who love

You're right. Girls who love love love love love guys are generally called 'boycrazy sluts'. =]

Be as gay as you want.

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"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."- www.twloha.com

missundastood's picture

awww! You need a hug! a

awww! You need a hug! a tight big nice hug! *huggies*
My friends too,think that im transforming into this "im too obsessed with my sexuality" kinda freak. I mean,i cant help it if im too out and open about it. They are still trying to get used to the supposedly "transformed" me,the me who checks out girls at malls[and other random places too:p] They think im so into my sexuality,that i might as well turn into a Gay activist or somthing! Im a bisexual and the thing they have come up with[they say they've noticed this behaviour in me],is that im turning into a lesbian.Just like your friends,I bet mine talk about missing the so called "old closeted" me too. Its ok,your not alone.Im sure there are quite a lot of teens going through the same phase.I too have friends who "experiment" a lot,if you know what i mean.But no one's full on gay or bisexual or a lesbian.Its like,they are afraid to admit it or somthing.but no worries.Hopefully,Both of us should meet new,gay-er poeple in near future.Who connect to us.
Till then,we at oasis,are always there =)

electricity's picture

I mean my friends like me

I mean my friends like me for me, and are down with me being out, but sometimes I'm sure they wish I would just stop talking about it.