i cannot stop dreaming of my grandpa. its as if he is haunting me. i dont know, even since he died nothing has been alright. my family i full of shit, pretending that "hes in a better place, no more suffering" and all that. in the mean time my grandma is falling apart slowly with a brusied family trying to fix her. "how can one drowing man help another drowing man"? (paul newman). in this family weakness or sadness doesn control any aspect of our lives. i know my grandpa would tell me suck it up and just t over it. but that i extremely hard for me to do. expecially since i cant close my eyes without seeing his face. not the face i want to remember. the stone face, the body sick with cancer. that is not my grandpa. but its getting harder to remember him anyother way.
in other news, the weather sucks. it cant make up its mind. hot, cold, hot cold. tonight me and keith are goun to a softball game....fun.