It's certainly been a while since I've been here.
I guess because the url changed, and I felt pretty silly for a while.
I still feel silly. Buuuut... I'm learning to deal with things better, although I wonder why I freak out so easily.
Like this thing I have about sitting at crowded tables. I flip out and leave the room at just the thought of it, yet, I have no problem squeezing onto a crowded couch or something.. Just strange things I notice about myself.
I thought I had a crush for a while, but he kinda went and fucked that up by insulting my friend for pretty much no reason, and then calling me a prostitute.
I swear... Sophomores.
It's strange to think that after June, I'll never have to go back to high school again. Already, I'm planning things just to get out of town -- like ditching school next week to go to Disneyland - with my parents permission of course, 'cause I'm still the good child.
That's the problem with everything - my sister. I don't remember how any of this was before she kept trying to out me. I really don't remember how she used to be at all. But I mean, it's one thing to bring it up around my parents, but when my GRANDMOTHER is visiting, she tries bringing it up and ruins our dinner, and she even made some REALLY bitchy remarks one time, just because my friend was there -- I mean, if anything, that just made my friend hate her too.
Our school's GSA died at the beginning of the year, but I can't really say I'm disappointed. Tommy was really the only one in there with a decent opinion about things, and everyone else pretty much had the mentality that "You cannot disagree with us about anything." but then he graduated, and the club went kaputt.
Buuuut.... I don't know. It wasn't doing anything but causing a rift between us all.
Eh... I get freaked out thinking I'll be alone forever, but that's usually when I think I will not grow as a person EVER and I'll never meet new people. It's kinda funny sometimes...
Almost everything I find that stresses me out is completely ridiculous...
but I just started writing fanfic again. I shouldn't ever have stopped, because yeah, I get too emotionally attached to my stories, but it's an amazing outlet. I've managed to let out all of my anger at DJ out through an awesome fic... and when I translate my problems into my characters, I don't feel the need to hurt ME - so I just torture that poor character. It's amusing. And I only think it's amusing because it makes me so insanely happy.
Rambling like this usually makes me feel better. but that's sorta why I got an LJ.... sorta... but I don't usually talk about my FEELINGS or anything. I talk about... clothes and stupid stuff and music and boring stuff like that. But I don't know... I'd feel awkward talking about my feelings.
It's only 3'a.m. Of course, I'm not tired and rambling!