sinking...

duct tape godess's picture

i dont know why but i have been feeling down lately
i think its just because i am a bipoler teen
but my days have been draging on and on
and i feel as though my friends no longer have any intresst in talking to me
when most of us interact it is quite and dose not feel like it normaly feels when we would talk in the past...
my therapist has me on some random meds to make me less parinoied and to elivate my mood
but i am still just as parinoied about lots of things
it has gotten a little better
i mean i used to panic and think people might be able to tell what i was thinking just by looking at me
i knew it was not possible for them to read my thoughts but i was still tariffied they could
i always have the feeling that people secretly hate me
when you see your "friends" turn on the others behind there back and then become there best friend in front of them messes with your head
i try not to hang out with people like that
but how could i tell if they were just that good at hideing there true feelings
i have this sinking feeling that something bad is about to happen
i have felt it in the pit of my stumic for a few weeks now
i have ignored it untill now
it feels so strong
i think i may just be that i am puting to much thought into it or im just panicing like always
but idk
~sigh~
im scared
of what im not sure of yet
but the fear is there
i cat get rid of it
wether it is over my friends turning on me
or the random fears that are drilled into my head
i cant lose the feeling

-Meghan