The Ghost of You.

missundastood's picture

Something is so wrong with me.
I had my English Literature Paper today.After it got over,I got out of that stupid huge hall and caught up with my friends who were in the canteen.
I noticed S and D were not around,with a few other missing friends.
My friend told that they must be around somewhere in school.My eyes still searched...I felt empty and restless.I looked around the school ground...just to get a glimpse of S.
Yes,you read right. I,the fucked up person,looked around for NOT my girlfriend[D] but my EX girlfriend,who brutally and selfishly once left me.
I dont understand me sometimes.I say im moving on,I say i can live without her,then why do my eyes search for her?Its not like Im any better when she's around,u know.
Today when she smiled at me,and wished me luck for my exam,I felt like going and hugging her.I cudnt help but smile back.
The thing is,Im not sure anymore if i want her back or not.But i am sure of one thing and that is,the fact that i dont miss her to the same extent i used to.
I duno if thats a good thing or a bad thing.I mean,argh!Im so confused!
Today she asked D online,whether im fine and over her completely or not.And D obviously said,"yepp,she's totally great".
[note: S does not know im dating D]
I mean,WHY is S so bothered about me?WHY does she want to know if im fine and over her?! is it because she just wants to get rid of me,or is it genuinely a caring gesture?!
Im just not sure about ANY of my feelings anymore.

Comments

jeff's picture

Eh...

Just play your role in the relationship, that makes it much easier. What do you want? What do you think? And then go from there...

Since you never really know what other people think/want, no use wasting time trying to sort of your feelings and also your projections of what they are thinking.

Of course, wondering about your ex while with a new girl risks putting attention on someone who doesn't want you anymore against someone who won't want to be with you until you know what you want. So, tread cautiously, or you'll be trying to figure out all of this stuff while single. (Then again, if your current girl isn't getting 100% of your attention, totally her right to seek a partner that desires her without question)

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