I spent half of my gorgeous Sunday tutoring my kids in East LA and the other half discovering music artists. Don't tell me I'm lame. Well, here are a few of my new faves (some you probably already know):
Gran Bel Fisher
I think these guys all have pretty amazing voices on top of being extremely talented musicians. Can you guess who the next John Mayer is gonna be?
Currently to my right are three bags of chips and to my left, a few more bags of gummies. I love candy.
God, I am so tired. I have been taking antibiotics for the past week now and the pills have been making me feel weird and tired. I feel like I'm living in a cracked-up fantasy world. Any minute now I expect Bai Ling to jump in through my window and steal from me. And Britney to hand me a tub of Rocky Road ice cream.
Do you know what turns me on? You really don't want to know. If you ask me, I'll probably tell you, though.
Why is Bush talking about lowering taxes when he's borrowing more and more money from China? Is he retarded? Because of what he's doing, each American owes China $7 more each day. I'd rather him increase our taxes than borrow more money from other countries (especially Communists). Better yet, why don't we just get the hell out of Iraq?
Also, why isn't Bush trying to create more jobs to deal with the recession? Why isn't he instigating more public projects? If the government hires workers to build more roads and freeways (for example), it will create more jobs, lower unemployment and therefore, create a buffer for this horrible recession that we're experiencing. I really wanted to buy this fashionable Phillip Lim cardigan, but I don't even have money for a Starbucks!
But my opinion doesn't matter because people have told me that since I'm a gay Asian, I'm suppose to just sit there with my mouth shut and look pretty.
Well, guess what? Screw them. I'm sick of keeping my mouth shut and not having a voice. I'm also sick of other gay Asians not speaking up for what they believe in. It almost seems like you guys don't care and that I'm fighting this battle by myself. Why don't you guys care and why don't you guys fight for what you believe is right? This country doesn't belong to only white people; this is our country too, you know.
I think the problem with most gay Asians is that we just want to fit in, we don't want to stand out because we're scared of being targeted for whatever reason. But that will never work because I've tried to fit in my whole life and I've realized that my efforts have reaped no rewards, just self-hatred. And you know what? It's a good thing that I'll never fit in because I should never try to be someone I'm not.
I've learned to be proud of my sexuality and ethnicity, to stand up for who I am and what I'm about regardless of the many times I've been ridiculed, spat on or beaten. In the past, people have tried to hurt me physically and emotionally with their words and actions but they were never able to hurt me mentally. They were never able to take away my spirit or will power because I never allowed them. I refused to be broken.
I think that's what people need to realize, that if you have the passion and fight for what you believe in and you refuse to give up, that sooner or later, people are going to look your way and take notice of you and what you stand for.
One day, something in my head clicked while I was just sitting here in my room; I had an epiphany. I realized that most people just live their lives according to set rules made by others and that they never questioned the norm. And that right before they died, they realized their entire life had been a waste because they had never dared to dream. They never had the guts to protest for or to write about or to shout at the top of their lungs what they believed in. They had remained silent their whole lives, until it was too late.
And you see, after this realization was when I made an oath to myself, right then and there, that I will fight for what I believe in until my dying breath. That I will try to take every second to raise awareness of gay and Asian rights and issues. That I will try to open people's minds and increase their awareness to the point where they have to make a choice, of whether to accept what I have to say fully or to refute it. That I won't take anything less because compromise is not an option in a situation like this. That you simply cannot accept a fraction of who I am or what I'm about. If you don't love me, then I want you to hate me. It's all or nothing, right or left, freedom or oppression, respect or discrimination. That is the oath I made. And no matter what happens, I will never be scared to fight for what I believe in. I will never back down.
So are you with me? Because I'm going to do this with or without you, but it would be easier if we fight this fight together.
- Jimmy Chen
Ps. You can find the original entry at www.xanga.com/MrJChen