i am so embarrassed, today my student mentor at uni got an eyeful of what porn i've been searching for on my laptop! so i took my 'puter to uni today to do some work on. well, my mentors came along to give me some help, cos they're cool. i should explain that the mentor program is set up by the uni where a first year student is hooked up with two 3rd year or 4th year students who are doing ur course also. i have this guy, chris and a chick called justine. anyhoo, my wireless connection wasn't working, so chris pulled it over to him to check out what the problem is. well, he decides to type GOOGLE into the address bar.
i knew that something would pop up, so i'm going, "no, it's already in there, dont worry!"
first of all, getyourstrokeon.com pops up cos he's typing slowly.
then all of my weird fetishes are shown once the google address is typed in. i could have died. i dont really want ppl knowing the shit im looking up, eg naked footy players and jockstraps! i cant help that i have a fetish for sportsmen. i wouldnt have minded him knowing im gay, hell, justine and i discussed gay support groups on campus and my breakup today. but FUCK, i was so embarrassed. i seriously could have died.
and chris is typing, sees what come up and takes a second to read them.
well that was horribly excrutiating! i was so embarrassed... i cant stress that enough. well, he got on with it, didnt say anything. but i could just die!!! nothing i can do now, and he didnt treat me any different. its nothing really to be embarrassed about i guess, each to there own, as they say.
that was my moment of humiliation today.
plus this bitch i accidently offended a few weeks ago threw my apology in my face today. i made a stupid comment about her being able to rely on her looks if they threw her out, cos she was whinging about not being smart enough. i didnt think she'd take it seriously, and i didnt mean it the way she took it. it was a throwaway remark, but another case of my foot being in my mouth. i also thought we were at the stage in our friendship where we could talk like that - obviously not. so i didnt realise at first that she was angry at me, its seriously been weeks. so then when i DID find out she was angry, i was scared to apologise because i dont like conflict, or people being angry at me.
so today i thought enough was enough, and apologised for hurting her feelings, "i didnt mean it, i realise i shouldnt have said it, it was stupid... blah blah blah".
so she goes,"Well, its about time you apologised." she then continued to abuse me, saying that i called her a dumb ass, it was offensive to say it to her cos she's studying to be a teacher, that i dont know her long and well enough to say things like that, etc
she accepted it but hasn't forgiven me. she then goes, "and now things wont even be the same between us." and that this has pretty much stopped our friendship. and she has the right to be angry, god knows that!
ah well. i know it was a stupid thing to do, but what's said is said.
and truth be told, i dont actually mind that we're not friends... i didnt really like her much in the first place (and NO it isnt sour grapes, our personalities just didnt gel to begin with... she seemed to like me more than i liked her.) she's a loud bitch, but she doesnt listen to anyone properly, you have to repeat urself a thousand times. i just dont care, really. it will just be awkward cos she's really close to a girl im really close to, so now i have to see her alot. i have no problem with it, but i hope she'll not make a point of it, ie NOT be a bitch, and just be nuetral to me... fuck knows im already neutral to her. i just dont want to be constantly reminded that we've had a rift in our relationship. but she seems to be one of those stupid girls who holds a grudge, and generally acts like one of THOSE types of girls.