I realize that I've been busy with co-op and pit band and haven't gotten to spend lunch hours with my friends all the time like I used to but obviously the time I try and spend with them isn't good enough or they just happy the way things are. For months my friends and I have been planning on going to Hooters. It was either gunna be Heather, Mitch or Kevin driving. It was going to be the four of us. We hadn't set a date but we knew it'd be the four of us. My friend Mia wanted nothing to do with it. Anytime we talked about it she went lalalalalala etc.
Well I found out today that Kevin, Heather, Mia, Char, and Sam went to Hooters last monday. Neither Mitch nor I were even invited or told about it. I just found it extremely rude of them and I"m extremely hurt. I feel like they just left me out without a second thought. It probably didn't cross there mind at any point that I wanted to go and we had planned on me going. And now there talking about some random outing when Heather get's her G2 and i have no clue what's going on and when i ask i don't get an answer.
I found out a lunch and i'm still extremely pissed off and hurt and it's been 12 hrs or so. I want to just drop it and forget about it but I just can't seem to do that.
I don't know how to bring it up to my friends and i feel by doing that they'll be like get over it, don't complain, too late, you were busy or whatever. The thing was my friend Kevin was at Play practice right before he went and we talked. It's not like he couldn't find me. And i know they all have and know my cellphone number. God i'm just soooo pissed off.
This weekend I actually know about some of the cast parties and Kevin's driving me to them so hopefully at one of them ( I know the second one there will be) but at least one of them will have Alki. I know drinking my problems away is no good. Mostly I'm looking forward to the party. Just forgetting everything and having some fun even though i'm not overally close with too many people in the cast but hey never too late to make new friends.
I need a night or two of throwing my hair back and saying FUCK
Fuck the world
Fuck finding a job
Fuck worrying about money
Fuck finding rides places
Fuck stupid drama
Fuck being totaly confused about everything
Fuck hating myself
Fuck hating everyone
Throughout my childhood and even now Movies and books are my escape and maybe that shouldn't be. I've been giving this vision that things will work out, everyone has friends they can tell there secrets to, everyone is out going and has an easy time talking to people, making friends and everyone can forget there problems to have fun.
And even if right away they can't do those things by the end of the book or movie they've learned how. I'm always waiting. Even when i've had confidence i just don't seem to be able to make new friends or talk to people without feeling rejected.
I"m going to bed.