I hate myself for loving you

Ricky-chan72's picture

I can't stop thinking about A. And I hate myself because of it.

I feel so empty. I just want him so bad, his kiss, his touch, his embrace... I want to hear his voice and I want to make him laugh...

I don't think I've obsessed over a boy this bad before. Not to the point of crying day after day and thinking about harming myself.

I want to run away. I want to forget everything. And sometimes, I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I think I might tell him how I feel. How badly I want him and such. I just hope he doesn't ignore me.

Comments

jeff's picture

OK...

heh, not sure you have such a huge back catalog of men you've been with to say you've never obsessed over a boy like this before?! That's a short list and a short period of time, no?

I understand all of your feelings, aside from why you feel the need to beat yourself over it.

Sure, total dick move on his part to not be sure he was over his ex, etc., but it seems your feelings are slightly out of relation to your actual relationship, no?

I mean, you knew him long enough for him to cause you to harm yourself, want to run away, die? Did I miss when all this occurred?

If anything, might be a lesson how much emotional investment you might experience when you have sex, and to hold back longer in the future.

But, at the end of the day, if you are incomplete without him, then you are incomplete with him. You want to bring a complete, realized person to a relationship, not this notion that you are a half looking to be whole. He needs to augment and improve your life, but not be your life.

I would examine why you want someone back who isn't ready to give you the love you need, or at least says he can't. You can't use relationships to distract you from the personal work you might need to do, or else they will always just be band-aids on things that need healing first.

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"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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