So I've been dating my boyfriend for a pretty long time now--long for me, since all of my past relationships never made it beyond 2.5 months, and this is almost a year and a half--and I feel like I'm hitting a really rough patch. I'm probably just a lot more irritable right now than I've ever been. PMS? Boredom from this tiny town? Depression? I really don't know, but I'm taking too much of it out on him.
It seems like everytime I take a nap in my room in the middle of the day I end up having another lesbian sex dream involving someone I know that I have had feelings for, no matter how big or minute they were. These aren't people I have feelings for now, since I honestly don't have feelings for anyone right now except my boyfriend, but given my past it makes me wonder if maybe I am seriously missing something that was once a big part of my life. I loved being a lesbian. I loved only having feelings for girls. I loved only having women flirting with me (when it happened, if it happened) and trying, quite retardedly, to flirt back.
Basically I miss women.
But I'm not about to lose what I have with my bf, which is most definately a sure thing, to try to find something that, knowing my luck, will take me years to find. I've never been the kind to get asked out or really even date because people never approach me, and if I approach them they usually say no. Plus, I have NEVER gotten a fraction of the love and affection that I get from him from anyone else. Sooo...why bother trying?
I just hate knowing what I am missing. I'm still really conflicted right now.