I JUST DONT WANT TO END UP GOING FUCKED AGAIN.

shewillbeloved's picture

I feel like everything is falling apart.
Like i'm suddently not good enough.
I hate this feeling.
I'm like a serious depprsent.
And I just want to be happy.
Love just seems to bring problems.
And i'm just scared.
Do you know how hard it is to just want to be happy?
I want to be understood.
I'm so scared and I hate that feeling.
I hate going to the same people for my problems..
Sorry but everyone just keeps giving the same DAM advice.
My heart hurts like hell and I just want to run away.
But I don't want to be like this.
I dont want to please. No.
I dont want to go back to being a suicidal, drug and alcohalic.
Last night thats all I could think about.
Alcohal.
I know thats not good.
Expecally for someone my age.
Help..
Life just please get better.
I seem like a bad friend and daughter and sister and mommy.
I just want to be good. And be helpful
I'm so tired of fighting with life!
I just want to scream and lose control!
Love is to complicated.
I'm in love with this boy.
And he loves me back so dearly.
But sometimes i'm just to dam pathetic or stupid to see that.
I ..
I just want so much things.
So much things to be easier.
So much things to be prettier.
I dont want to not be happy with myself.
I want to understand life.
I want to understand myself.
It hurts so bad.
My heart hurts so bad.
Why cant we just understand and be understood?
Why do we have to be judged?
Why cant people just stop being ass holes?
I just want to be happy.
I just want to be happy.
I just want to be understood.
I just want so much things to get better.
I just want to stop trying.
I just want to ..
Sometimes.. I just want to give up on everything and everyone.
But i'm so scared.
So scared.
To scared.
Someone.
Something.
Please come and take my hand and help me up.
I just need someone ..
Someone to help.
Someone to help me understand.
...
..
.
I'm so tired of hurting.
So tired .
Of trying to be someone im not.
So tired of trying to make you happy.
So tired of trying so hard to get her attention.
So hard ..
I'm so tired of oh so many things.
I dont know where to end.
I dont know what to say?
All I know is that I just want this all to become easier.

SHIT!!
Look about 6 months back I felt the same way.
But things got better.
So much better.
But now why do I feel like everything is falling apart?
Why?
I feel so STUPID!
Sometimes. I swear.
ERR!!
I just..
Okay.

I'm sorry, for you guys who actually read this..
I was so not in a good mood.
Actaully after all this rambaling i'm still NOT!
FUCK!

But thanks anyway.
For trying to think of something to say.
Thanks for trying to help.
And thanks for not being able to.

Comments

Splash's picture

<3

Some of that sounds familiar.
I'm bad at giving advice, so... MASSIVE ELECTRONIC HUGS

PurpleLioness's picture

Ranting is a great idea

Because as humans we are prone to relapse.
Just try to be stronger than that and overcome it.