my pen names draven
i joined here a long time ago as a girl. i was into girls at the time. and then i was a girl and i was into guys and i was hetero for awhile. but i feel like a guy and gay and a different person at the moment, like i used to be when i was like fifteen. i spent one year of high school in secret transgendered turmoil, watching qaf and listening to britney and looking for photos of transguys and drag kings and wondering if i could ever pass as well as they did and wondering what the hell was wrong with me, until i suddenly changed again, but i seem to have changed back.
so i'm here with a new account. i live with different people inside me. i think life is an art form and an experiment anyway, and im definitely not done yet. most of the time im so overwhelmed by all the different things i could do and be that i choose mediocrity so i dont have to deal with all the contradictions. like i get up in the morning and throw on the most boring and nondescript clothes possible cos otherwise id stand there for half an hour, not knowing whether i want to bind my chest or wear a skirt or both at the same time.
so i want to just be myself when i post here and not bother with all those other identities, so im draven, im gay, im male, feels fucking good to say that.
anyway. any other gay ftms post here?
(already im regretting this intro post! i just want to be seen as a boy here! pah! eh, may as well leave it up here i guess)