Me and My Girlfriend

poissonrouges's picture

So, I finally came out to myself a couple years ago and went out with one girl... After that I told my best friend that I was attracted to her and we've been going out ever since, almost two years now. About half a year ago we started discussing how she doesn't see herself as a woman, but a man. We're in the stages before her transitions, just discussing things etc. I'm really happy for her with all of the progress she's made, but at the same time I keep wondering if this is what I want? I'm not attracted to guys, I know that for sure... I just really don't know what to do b/c I want to be with a girl, but I love her so much. I guess I really just wanted a second opinion if anyone could give me one.

jeff's picture


Aside from the transgender issue being a more dramatic case than most, couples often find themselves on different paths and grow apart. If you're attracted to women, and your woman is a man, then sounds like you have a very close male friend and need to find a new romantic relationship.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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poissonrouges's picture

Thanks, I really have no one

Thanks, I really have no one else to turn to... So any opinion helps.

I know there's "black sheep," but what about rainbow ones?

the mouse that roared's picture

It's a tough one.

I know a few lesbian couples where one guy's become trans. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If you want him to still be a woman--if you don't think you can date him as a man (the fact that you're still using female pronouns indicates you might be in denial), then it might not work. I would advise being open with him about it. If you're open-minded about dating a guy--especially this one--I would stick it out longer and see how it is. It definitely will be a bit of a rocky transition, but if you value your relationship and value him, you could give it a try. Sometimes a lesbian is attracted to the rare man. Be sure you aren't just falling into the trap of labels. At the same time, if you really don't think you can be with him once he transitions, be honest with yourself. Examine what you really want here, and be honest with yourself and your boyfriend.

Remember, like Jeff says, two years is a long time, especially in high school, and you might be drifting apart in general--I can't really say since I don't know any more about your situation.

Best of luck to the both of you!

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day