Quitting is hard.

PurpleLioness's picture

when drugs have become such a large part of your life.
4/20 was supposed to be my last day smoking pot.
I smoked a bowel before I came home tonight.
The thing is I don't really care that I broke that to myself.
I don't really care about much now a days.

And I have mad craveings for coke right now.
Its such an amazing high..
I might break down.
I was clean for a month.
But I did a little..
after I slept with her cousin.
It made that fuck up not seem so bad.

I don't know why I decided to do that.
Since her cousin is a boy and I get nothing out of it.
I suppose thats what attoral and three energy drinks on an empty stomach will do to you.

I need to go to sleep.
Another day of walking down to meet her at school when it gets out tomorrow.
The way I act is how her boyfriend should treat her.
The fact that I'll never be her girlfriend kills me more each day.
I don't know,
Maybe its because I pretty much act like I'm her girlfriend that she wants us to stay the way we are.
I'm done with it though.

Easier said than done.
Especially since I think I'm in love with her.

Sleep now.

Oh but I wrote this the other day.
While consoling her about her parents.
Tell me what you get from it I guess.

I hate seeing her so upset. It kills me every time a tear falls from her beautiful blue eyes. She shouldn't be in so much pain so young. I want to take it all away. Make her suffering my own. I'd give anything to make her smile reach her eyes again. I wish I could end it all. Give her her wings back and set her free. The pain of that would probably kill me but for her it would be worth it.

I'm not sure what I was babbling on there.
I was really high at the time of its writing.

Much too sober now.
I hope I can get some type of fix tomorrow.

Comments

shewillbeloved's picture

Hey =]

WOW!
Your still on this site.
Hon what happened to us..
We just stopped talking.
Gah.
I hate when that happens.
You must remember me..
I changed my username but yea.
Its tillthemusicstops002@yahoo.com?
Any reconization.
Anyway.
Things sound to be getting rough on you.
I know, trust me its hella hard to quit.
The high just feels so grand you dont want to give it away.
But it will just end up screwing with you.
Ah.. Now I know why we became so close.
You sound just like me..
And I just seem to understand everything.
=]
I missed you.
Shit..
Lol
Anyway.. TTYL
Feel better
And message me when you get a chance on this site.
*Huggs*

love her purely or don't love her at all