I am incrediably stupid

PurpleLioness's picture

What two weeks sober now and I go and fuck it up.

If any of you have watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas you will know what I'm going to talk about.

So I get a text from one of my friends last night that he's learned how to make Ether.

What do I do?

As soon as I'm not staying over at her house I call him up and tell him to bring me some.

Ether is one hell of a drug, its fun and I don't even know how dangerous but I did it anyway.

All I have to say after going on this probably seven hour binge is I'll never do it again.

I'm actually not too happy with myself for doing it in the first place but its in the past now.

Add whipits into the mix there for about an hour and I feel like a complete dumb ass.
I know that [points at whippits] is a lame very very dangerous thing younger kids do but I tried it anyway becuase I hadn't before.
I'll never do that again either.

I guess I'm glad I tried both things but now that I look back on it I shouldn't have.

I probably just contradicted myself in there but I'm too tired to care anymore.

I don't know.
At least it wasn't coke.

But I've realized that if I want to get clean at all I need to stay away from this group of friends.

Especially since my ex very proudly told me he could get tweak for free and that I should do it with him.

I can't afford to fall into that.

So as much as I don't want to I guess I won't be hanging out with them anymore.

I want to be able to grow up and have kids and stuff and if I go down that path again I know I probably won't live past 21.

I'm going to sleep now.

I just needed to get that all out of my head.

-sigh- I miss her.
I think I'm falling more and more in love with her each day and its hard.

I wish I wasn't.