I respect you dear friend (from the pages of my journal)

wheels148's picture

I am angry with myself for being such a bitch with regard to walking; that is pretty much the only battle between mom and I, and well the fact that I am just generally lazy about things.
Enough about me, last night I was talking to Vanessa and she had some news for me. V. as I have always called her, Vanessa never felt like it fit her so I shortened it came out to me again for the second time as a F2M trans person! I wasn’t shocked she had been the type of woman that I thought was struggling to grasp who she was. The first time we met she went on a very loud rampage (in the cafeteria at school) about how her male friends were having a “guy’s night” and how they had basically excluded her because well she wasn’t a guy. She was visibly upset and I realize now that this was a cry for help but in the moment I was embarrassed; and I am not one to get embarrassed easily but it was turning heads.
V. has always supported me he came to the public outing at my church and held me as mom spoke about Rosie, about being the parent of a lesbian child and about how even though I had come out she as a parent had gone into her own closet.
I can’t say that V. considers me a close friend because I found out two months after his close friends. He hasn’t done anything with regards to his transition but wants too. I am starting to refer to V. in male pronouns out of respect for his authentic self.
I know that V. knows he has support from me. I also know I have my own journey to come to terms with this! I realize now that I was attracted to Vanessa. She was/is a beautiful woman. But in truth I just want her to be happy and if she’s happy as Vince more power to her!
V. buddy I love you, you are probably one of the most courageous people I have ever met and it’s time to allow yourself to be TRULY happy!