thoughts on butch gay men and femme lesbians

santacruz322's picture

Ok, so in my work with Outlet for the past 5 years I have been noticing more and more an interesting phenomenon. It's not new, but it's new to me, at least thinking about it more is new.

I understand the complexity of being out as a butch lesbian, and I understand the difficulties around being a femme lesbian who seems invisible. There are times when it seems "easier" for those of us who are more obviously queer, like very butch lesbians and very femme gay men (queens, love them!) to come out and be out, or at least figure out what type of person we like. I see more and more young folks, like teenagers who have a harder time just simply realizing that they are not completely hetero because they don't naturally, organically display the stereotypical gay man and lesbian traits. (I'm treading lightly here folks because I am talking about stereotypes that exist for a reason, but by no means should completely define a person.) I even see an intense internalized homophobia in some of these young folks (and probably adults but I don't work that closely with adults) against those of us who are the extreme. And it is usually more violent in emotion when it comes to femme men. Hello, can you say "sexism"? Anyway, I'm wondering if you all notice this, or know anyone who is dealing with this.

I also wonder how to help these young folks through this, especially the ones with some serious internalized homophobia. It makes me worry that they are really attracted to this stereotypical person but will continue to miss out because they are so affected by the stigma.

And my disclaimer, I know everyone is exactly where they need to be in their process. I also know it always helps to talk it out. :) What do ya'll think?

ConnorJ's picture

Try being gay and into heavy metal!

I go through a different challenge because I'm a huge fan of heavy metal (Metallica, Iron Maiden,...) and people just never suspect me of being gay! I've gone to gay youth places and everyone just stares at me like WTF is HE doing here?

While it's completely acceptable to be a femfe gay guy and a butch lesbian, being a regular straight acting gay dude is unacceptable to most other gays. That's part of why I'm starting a journal here so I can show another side of things. Yes, Rob Halford from Judas Priest came out a long time ago but how many well known metal musicians/singers are out?

loreonpravus's picture

Hm, I think I'm sorta not

Hm, I think I'm sorta not exactly butch/femme myself, but a friend of mine is femme lesbian, and seriously, I would have no idea she wasn't straight about 90% of the time...every other time she's got a girl attached to her.

Womanizing femme? does that count? Because I think it's that the general idea is that men are the usually the girl-getting playboys, so there's this connotation that butches are the ones who get the girls, too.

Does that count? I'm trying not to be too stereotypical or presumptious or in any way incorrect or not, just sorta throwing a view out there.