why the fuck can't i say anything?

scandalboy's picture

guess im not the only person here who cant seem to express themselves... electricity beat me too it lol

but seriously, my life sucks at the moment. and there isnt a reason. and i keep trying to come on here and write out all of my problems, but i just... cant. it's like my life has totally stopped and i cant do anything productive or constructive. and it seems to be a never ending loop, like a beckett play. after i got round one of assignments out of the way, round two has loomed up. i have a performance plan, a performance, a shakespearean monologue, a website analysis, a hypertext assignment and a reflective essay.

That conversation on msn with A was ok. we talked about some of his issues and it was ok... like, i didnt feel anything for him. but then last night at uni, i was in the servery with my performance group and as we left, A was coming down the hallway. i didnt have my glasses on, so by the time i realised it was him it was too late to run the other way. so we talked mindlessly for a minute, then i wanted to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. i nearly felt like crying as i walked away. i did not see our meeting coming, literally. A was the last thing on my mind when i turned that corner and saw someone at the other end. actually, i lie. i DID think of him, cos it was 5pm and his last lecture finishes then. i had thought, "hope i dont see him, he could come down here." then i thought, "naaaah, he wont." *Slaps forehead* i hate myself for still finding him cute. his hair is darker now. the last time i saw him, nearly 2 months ago, it was considerably blonder.

i have a bit of a crush on a boy in the musical im doing some directing work with at my old school. we've been friends for some time, he's in grade 11. he's a sweet kid, genuinely sweet. he's playing danny lol and he's bi. god im a bit over these bisexual boys, there's always something wrong. i want to do something about this crush, like just let him know gently so that if his answer is "no thanks" that it isnt awkward. i must admit that one thing on this site that annoys me is how much we all crap on about the ppl we have crushes on but we never do anything about it, its shitting me.

my sister is moving to melbourne for a year in a few months. i seriously arent dealing with it, head in the sand. im going to come out to her in august when i'll be flying down to see wicked with her. i know that its a long way away, but i need to set a reasonable goal, and i know i'll be ready to do it by then. hopefully sooner.