Alright, rant time.
By the way... thank you guys so much for the comments! Makes it all so much better :)
By the way #2 - I'm listening to depressing Russian music, so thoughts might be a bit jumbled.
Right... rant time. Boys are icky. Males w/ tendencies towards genderfucking are awesome, and less icky. And all females just rock. That is my opinion as a sexual being. As just-a-person, everyone to me is equally cool, strange and, eventually, trouble. Hehe. :)
Hellz ya I'm gay, but that's not the way I was brought up. Gay doesn't tie into the things I was brought up to want, dream of, consider right. I'm quite dependent on my family in a lot of ways. I've moved out before, and I'm currently moving out again... but there's a lot that doesn't change. Imagine knowing that no love and no romantic union you are ever in will be considered real, taken seriously, or approved of - let alone celebrated.
At this point, my parents don't want to know if one of my female friends is a 'sexual partner', as my dad refers to someone I would call a girlfriend; they don't want to know she's anything more than a friend. On the other hand, if I have a boyfriend, we are welcome to move in to their house... oy.
Which is why it is frustrating that guys+sex=ick. With every cute one I talk to, the heteronormative dream dies again (lol!) It just gets exhausting. Life would be so much better, for example, if instead of the abundance of cute straight boys at my work, they were all attractive gay women.
Er... enough about that, I guess.
Tea is good.
And genderfucking is hot/cute... I met this transguy, and he likes to play around w/ gender, which is awesome... and I'm not sure whether we're going to just hang out or hook up soon or hook up eventually... I don't know. Esp. since I've never had intercourse (or fully been w/ a woman either, for that matter)... so I don't know whether I'm just nervous or there's actually something else holding me back. I have no idea whether I'm attracted to him physically or not, because he hasn't even flirtingly touched me yet, and that's probably why I'm hesitant. I've had plenty of opportunity w/ fairly heteronormative males, and I usually end up backing out at some point because I am just not attracted to them and don't want to be there. But, yanno... this one's obviously different (him being polyamorous is another huge awesome thing)... I just need to get him to physically flirt w/ me, lol...and I don' t know how to do that.
In all other ways, life is far too busy for my liking; I'd much rather be spending all the time in the world on learning more about food than on moving, finances, non-foodie homework, cleaning, and obsessing over happiness (maybe 'socially acceptable' is good enough? ahaha who am I kidding!). Oy, and especially the cleaning... eugh.
Okies, out for the night! <3