today was... confusing.
i got up to go to john's all star team baseball game, and L comes :]]
(her adorable little brother is on the same team) so we hang out all of the game, and i invite her swimming (bad idea, i'm so insecure; she's so pretty) and we go. my brother was there, and he was acting shy. so she goes, "why doesn't he want to hang out w/ two hot girls?" and i look up and go, "no, one hot girl." and look up at her, and she smiles. then goes, "no. two" and it goes on like that..
later on, we were at my house, and we were going down to dinner. i forget why, but i shut the door and blocked her way and we end up very very close togther.... and later, either the couch or the hammock, we were basically laying on each other. it felt... good.. comfortable.
so i suddenly say, "lets go for a walk." and we end up in the woods behind my house :P we're walking and i see a creek, so we go through this little... it looked like a hallway made from trees... and she grabs my hand, and goes "this place is scary" and i laugh. so she and i stop and find out where we are, and we get really close. i look up, and she's looking at me and i basically melt. and then my phone rings, and its her boyfriend. sucks, i know. but what's more sucky is that she's cheated on him w/ this other guy..
and on our way back, she brings up how pissed she is at what my other friend said about us being possibly becoming "highschool sweethearts" b/c we're both (i don't feel like saying it; you know what i'm talking about).. that kind of got me down; i've been developing a crush on her. she's sleeping over sometime this week... so we'll find out then what she feels...
now for J. i haven't talked to her in a while; but i found this song that describes how i feel, like, completely to the point. it's called The Last Song I'm Wasting On You by Evanescence.
here are the lyrics:
They're my own veins.
Any more than a whisper,
Any sudden movement of my heart.
And I know, I know I'll have to watch them pass away
Just get through this day
Give up your way, you could be anything,
Give up my way, and lose myself, not today
That's too much guilt to pay
Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
Honey you know, you know I'd never hurt you that way
You're just so pretty in your pain
Give up my way, and I could be anything
I'll make my own way
Without your senseless hate... hate... hate... hate.
So run, run, run
And hate me, if it feels good.
I can't hear your screams anymore
You lied to me
But I'm older now
And I'm not buying baby
Demanding my response
Don't bother breaking the door down
I found my way out
And you'll never hurt me again.
and the link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=z6ki1hQO0Y8
:]] i'm basically obsessed with evanescence.
they've been my favorite band since i was about eight. and they've saved my life too many times to count. plus, amy lee is the best role model any girl could have. and she's gorgeous. and she designs her own clothes ^-^
i was going to post a picture up of her.
but now my internet is being a bitch.
gurr. :] watching Evanescence videos now.
god, i love her. she's to freaking awesomee.
okay, i'm done.