Here I go falling down again

music is life's picture

So last night I go downstairs to get a drink and Cunt (aka dad's wife) is in the kitchen, and she tells me that she is going to unplug the internet because she saw some lightning a little bit ago. And I said you shut the internet off everytime you think there is even the slightest possibility of a storm. And Cunt said that we can't afford another new computer right now (we just fucking bought a 2006 SUV for YOU!, don't tell me we cant fucking afford anything new, we have money, i'm not stupid).. thats what i wanted to say but I shut my mouth and started to walk upstairs, and as I'm doing so Cunt says, "you better watch what you do or else you'll be sorry." and i was just like whatever and went upstairs. Well i get up there and see that the internets turned off. So I go downstairs and ask Cunt why she turned the internet off and she told me to go talk to my dad about it, so i do. And as I'm walking away she yells at me that I have a problem and it needs to be fixed. I ask my dad why he shut the internet off and he said,"You know what, you have a problem and you need to fix it right now because everyones getting sick of it." I just stared at him and went upstairs.
Now if you're not going to tell me what the problem is that i seem to have, don't fucking tell me to fix it if I don't know what the hell to fix! And this was a stupid fight, if you look at it on the surface. Its so fucking hard to get along with people that push you farther and farther into the dirt. I just cant keep fucking doing this, I used to think it was all my doing, but its not. I've taken on their habits of negativity and holding everything in. I can't do that, I need to get it out. And I've tried but they just don't listen. The times when I have let it all go were bad because everything exploded at once and I was on the floor crying because it was so fucking intense and too much at once. They hear what they want to, and what they want to hear is not what I'm saying. And I don't think I can take 3 more years of this bullshit. I hate how I keep my head in the clouds dreaming of the future to be better. I'm stuck in their world of misery and its slowly eating me away. I keep telling myself if only they knew and tried to hear me then it would be better. You can't change people that don't want to stop living in their lie.


typicalmusician's picture

God. One of my best friends


One of my best friends has the same problem, except with her mom and stepdad. They are both the devil incarnate whenever she's around, and she's always at fault. It almost makes me cry to see what she has to go through in what they call a "home".

Look into boarding schools? I go to one, and although I don't hate my parents or vice versa, it's a nice relief to be away from their constant reminders and it mostly eliminates family bickering from my life. The friend I mentioned also boards, and I know she's way happier at school than with her mom and stepdad...Since your horrid parents seem to have plenty of money, and pretty much everywhere offers a little bit here and there for help, you might be able to go. Where do you live?