Ovary Death

Inkblot's picture

I hate my ovaries. Not because they are overtly female, or because they hold potential babies or anything like that. But because they result in a period. Which is a week of bleeding and bitching, and (here's the killer) NO COFFEE.

I want my coffee. And I want it not to give me violent, horrible cramps. Please? Sadly, no matter how much I wheedle at the universe, it will not grant me this one request. Sigh.

In other news, I'm performing in 'Romeo and Juliet' at the SF Theatre Festival, and I wish it would rain.

Comments

-Ruby-'s picture

hmmm...

i used to have really painful periods... which would result in me curling up in a ball on my bed, crying. after a few months of this i sought medical advice... and after going on the birth-control pill i was cured!
i know u prolly don't wanna pump more estrogen into ur body [thats whats in the pill]... but it really does do wonders in taking the pain away.

Neutrina's picture

I've heard garlic helps with

I've heard garlic helps with cramps...something about it being a blood-thinner.

"When the people begin to reason, all is lost" - Voltaire

Inkblot's picture

Hm

I must look into this garlic you speak of...

Do I shock you darling?
-Sally Bowles, Cabaret

Azul's picture

I'm not exactly sure

I'm not exactly sure prescribing blood thinners during a period is the best thing. blood thinners+bleeding=bad story.

Riku's picture

Well it's not like a cut or

Well it's not like a cut or something during a period. It's more of, there's a lot of crud that builds up in the womb in case there's a baby coming when an egg drops. But it gets flushed out when the egg dies. Every. Single. Month. DX

Azul's picture

Yea. I understand the whole

Yea. I understand the whole ovarian-period cycle, I really don't want to hear about it.

From now on...
Vagina=Bojingo or Hoo-Hoo. Va-jay-jay if you actually like Grey's Anatomy...
Cervical Mucus=Icky Sticky
Breastases=Hoo-Ha's

Riku's picture

Oh yeah, I forgot how

Oh yeah, I forgot how squeamish guys are about this whole thing. XD

Consider yourself lucky for not having to deal with it.

And on that note.. My art teacher referred to the vagina as a "Woo-hoo-hoo" Which I find amusing, but probably because of the way she said it. XD

Azul's picture

I suggest adding Vitamin I

I suggest adding Vitamin I (ibuprofen) to your diet during that time of month of bleeding. I wouldn't recommend aspirin though, I personally don't like it. I'm not exactly sure why either, I just have this huge beef with aspirin...

Sucks to be female doesn't it?

ZPhoenix's picture

When you find a cure for the

When you find a cure for the wonderful benefits of being a woman. Please let me know. I'm one of those fetal position whores who lie in it for 7 days out of any given month.

loreonpravus's picture

I think if you're generally

I think if you're generally active-like cramps aren't as bad. I think it's true, I usually suffer when I bleed, but it's not as bad if I notice myself running around more a while before. Or maybe it's just a psychological thing.

Riku's picture

I heard tofu helps with

I heard tofu helps with cramps, because it has a small amount of estrogen in it. (Yeah I know, estrogen. But it's less than birth control has.) And getting enough water and staying active helps too.

Good luck with that though. I know periods are a pain. It makes me hate being female (as opposed to simply being annoyed by the fact. XD)

RaspberriesAreFun's picture

periods always suck for me

periods always suck for me also. as for all women im sure. the question is why cant u have coffee? i mean if it makes u feel better, u shouldnt restrain urself in already painful time of the month.

If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic." ~Shelly Roberts

Riku's picture

The caffeine probably gives

The caffeine probably gives her cramps. I get that same problem.

Azul's picture

Caffeine is a diuretic

Caffeine is a diuretic (fancy word that means it makes you pee!) and a stimulant (excites your Central Nervous System!)

The stimulation of the CNS doesn't have a lot to do with cramps... And water doesn't have a lot to do with the whole ATP synthesis except for the production of it during the the Election Transport Chain. And it's a product, not a reactant.

The science behind period+caffeine=bad cramps beats me... Maybe you just have deep rooted psychological problem concerning caffeine or coffee, but it only shows up when you're excreting all that filth from your bojingo... And it shows up not psychologically, mentally or emotionally, but instead manifests itself physically (also known as being psychosomatic): through cramps.

Morgan's picture

If you can save enough money later

Look into endometrial ablation. It's outpatient, fast, painful, but easy. They burn the inside of your uterus up, so you don't go on the rag no mo'. I would have done it if my car hadn't eaten up all my money in repairs, but oh well. Too late now. Why bother? That aspect of my life is fading away.