Regret

I bleed audio's picture

Hi, I'm back now I guess. Whether it be for one reason or another I'll be writing on oasis again at least for a little while.

For the last 2 1/2 months I've been dating a girl I met at a concert and for awhile things were going pretty good. I had completely supressed my attractions and things were moving along normally in my relationship we were doing the things couples were supposed to do, we held hands, kissed, and eventually had sex.
I never mentioned to her that I was Bisexual and had dated a guy prior to her, it just didn't seem like a great idea and if she found out it may have wrecked things between us, so I kept quiet.
There were alot of problems in our relationship, namely that she lived about an hour away and had me come over ALOT, and as you all know, with gas the way it is now this really ate into my funds and I was living paycheck to paycheck. We also had incredibly different lifestyles, she was this party girl who didn't really have any plan for her future and was living in the moment while I'm the kind of guy who likes to live life like a chess game, planning 5 moves ahead. Really when it came down to it I just wasn't sexually attracted to her, not that I'm not attracted to some women it's just that she wasn't the most hygenic person and well that disturbed me on SO many levels. I think the thing that killed our relationship though was the fact that she moved WAY too fast for me, she would talk about moving in together and vaguely about marriage and it just scared me completely.
In the end I had to break it off with her, I figured here I am confused enough as it is and she was just adding to it in negative ways. She was deeply in love with me and we hadn't been dating very long at all (She even went as far as to claim to be pregnant to try to keep me, which she later admitted was a lie) and I figured if she was this in love with me now imagine what it'll be like in a couple months. If I'm not feeling anything for her now I best break it off because if i did it later it'd destroy her.
Well I broke up with her yesterday and she's a mess. Telling me she can't stop crying, how she had such plans and how no one will ever love her....I just feel like utter crap. I mean it's because of me this girl is a mess and there's nothing I can do to help her. We've done the whole "We'll be friends still" talk but she's just heartbroken. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her but i ended up doing that anyway. I just feel like such a jerk, bringing her into my messed up version of reality and not telling her everything that was going on. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll never be satisfied with anyone, maybe there isn't "that" person out there for me because I can't just be happy with either sex. Fuck my life

Comments

thinks's picture

Sounds complicated, but it

Sounds complicated, but it appears that you did the right thing. You've gotta watch out for people as clingy as her, in my opinion anyway.

jeff's picture

Err...

If you're bi, you don't have to suppress your attractions any more than a straight guy can still find other women hot. Just don't act on it, but look as much as you want...

I think she was a mess before you broke up with her. You version of reality is actual reality, not the version where you two are living together and married after 2 months.

I would suggest you should try sleeping with older men, but then, you're not visiting CA anytime soon, so that's advice better saved for a later date. :-)

---
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-Ruby-'s picture

lack of hygiene = gross

i'm sorry to hear about ur breakup. i too am bi, and i wonder if i will ever find "the one" because i wonder if i could be satisfied with just a male or just a female. maybe when ur with the "right" person, u don't desire anyone other then that person, regardless of gender? but who knows. good luck, man.