completely hypothetical : You are deeply in love and just before you have sex they tell you they have HIV/AIDS, what do you do?

Sadly tell them that you can only be friends.
36% (5 votes)
Do it anyway and be extra extra careful.
64% (9 votes)
Total votes: 14


pinkthoughts's picture

This occurred to me last

This occurred to me last night and after much thought i decided I'd have to walk away. i know that sounds terrible, but if we had done it anyway i know that i would constantly be stressed out and worrying about whether or not i had contracted it and eventually i would probably get to the point where i couldn't do it anymore and would have to break it off with them anyway.

music is life's picture

Ugh this was tough...

I think I would do it. I'm a girl so i almost think it'd be easier protection wise. And I have hope that there will be a cure for HIV soon. And it would be really hard at times but I think I could do it. Then again i've never been in love so I kinda have the whole fairy tale idea about it still.

the ghost's picture

I couldn't do it.I'd have to

I couldn't do it.I'd have to walk away.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

runningupthefreeway's picture


they only told you RIGHT before you were about to have sex? done done done done and done. No way.

Kkid28's picture

this is hard!

i think if my partner told me right before having sex I would have to walk away from the situation b/c I would feel like they werent honest with me from the get go

“In order to meet the challenge, you have to have that support,”
Jackie Joyner-Kersee

typicalmusician's picture

No matter how much we loved

No matter how much we loved each other...I couldn't do it. Nor would I want to if I were in the opposite's not just a matter of selfishness!

dykehalo's picture

Depends... is this the

Depends... is this the person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life or just a couple weeks or months. If I'm going to be with them the rest of my life then just be careful and chances are i might get it anyway. If I'm only going to be with them a few months or weeks then suggest something that is sexual but doesn't involve our body fluids mixing. I don't know it's a hard one.. it's one of those in the moment type answers. But if it was right like 5 seconds before sex occured then walk away, for sure.
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

jeff's picture


You should sort of treat everyone you sleep with as though they are positive anyway.

I do question why this would have only come up now, seeing that you say you're in love, unless you're being very loose with the term (certainly nothing new on here, heh).

It would certainly be less awkward to bring this up sooner.

Of course, I also question why you don't get all freaked out when sleeping with anyone else? Someone HIV+ is at their most infectious right after they get it and when they are more likely to not know they have the disease, whereas someone openly HIV+ working with a doctor is far less infectious and could even have an undetectable viral load. So, why is lack of knowledge better than knowledge when making a decision?

To me, when someone says they are positive, they are positive; when they say negative they think they are negative. I've never knowingly slept with someone HIV+, but it'd be pretty much the same drill either way.

Perhaps drill was a poor word choice...

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

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masochist's picture

hollly shit thats a good

hollly shit thats a good question but if i really deeply loved them then we wud just avoid having sex... i guess

patnelsonchilds's picture

This is why I tell everyone

This is why I tell everyone about my HIV status as soon as I meet them. The longer you wait, the harder it gets to tell, and the more tempting it becomes not to.

Jeff is right. Unless he has the paperwork from the clinic in his pocket, you never know, and therefore should always play safe and assume that the person might have HIV or some other STD. If you become accustomed to having safe sex, then the thought of dating a person who is HIV+ might not seem like such a horrible notion. The truth is, none of you will ever know until you're actual in that situation. It's easy to make a sweeping generalization about what you'd do with some nameless person with HIV. It becomes more difficult when you realize that behind those three letters is a real person with feelings.

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- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Azul's picture

This is reminds me of Queer

This is reminds me of Queer as Folk sooooooooo much! Season 2, where Michael meets Ben. Ben tells him pretty quickly, after mutual feelings are established that he's HIV+. Michael at first, tell him he's okay with it. Later, before they do the deed, Michael goes into Ben's medicine cabinet to find condoms. He becomes overwhelmed and unsure about the choice when he notices the cocktail stored in the medicine cabinet. Michael turns Ben down. Michael eventually takes Ben back and they do the deed. They turn out to together still at the end of the show.

Anyway, approximately 12.94% of men who have sex with men (MSM) are HIV positive in the United States collectively. Vermont's statistic would be much, much lower I personally believe considering our demographic and poverty level.

Taking into consideration that statistic, I still feel not engaging in sex with someone who is HIV+ would be the proper decision for me.

Jeff is correct though when he says that you should treat everyone as positive. Raw entry, even with someone whom you trust, is still risky and dangerous. Not only HIV, but many other potentially chronic or fatal STD's and STI's are capable of being transmitted.

Note: 12.94% was generated using the CDC's statistic: "An estimated 231,893 MSM (207,810 MSM and 24,083 MSM who inject drugs) were living with HIV/AID" (
,by using the generally accepted statistic that in any demographic, 10% of the population is homosexual
and by using the US population estimate of 300,000,000.