Don't Tell Me That It's Over I'm Not Used To This Temptation

fatefellshort's picture

Yay I'm finally sixteen today =]

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. My ex and me got in a huge fight. That's never happened before. We finally talked on the phone at like 5pm and worked it out. But I almost off'd myself before that. *sigh*. He was a douche. I was right. He was wrong. I still love the kid.

Everything was crap until then but after that I felt better. Then I ran for 45 minutes so I guess that lifted my spirits chemically. Then my best friend brought me flowers (sunflowers. my fave kind <3). That was really nice. Oh and i got a whammy bar for my guitar yesterday as an early birthday present. Sweet.

Today has been relaxing. My parents aren't home because they drove out to my sister's college to help her switch dorms. It's okay. I won't be alone for my whole birthday and they left me a bunch of notes. Still, I feel like I should be doing something. I guess I'll run and stuff. I dunnos.

The only bad thing is I guess I haven't eaten very well today because it's my birthday. And I've already had like 1,350 calories. And I have 1,500 a day. I guess I should make an exception for today. I just feel bad cause I've lost.. 11 pounds. I don't wanna take a step backward. Maybe I'll have like salad for dinner and then have my parents take me out for ice cream? I don't want my anorexia to come back. Gotta start this year off on the right foot. *sigh*

They upped my Accutane dosage and now I'm getting all those original side effects that had finally subsided all over agian. My lips are freakin dry, my skin won't take to makeup, and it's breaking me out. Oh well. I guess thats the price I'll pay for perfect skin in October and near perfect skin forever =] Yay.

I've been watching Will & Grace and I Love Lucy for like 2 hours. I have a life, hehe =]

So glad I got a lot of bad stuff out on the last day of being shitty 15 years old.


music is life's picture

Happy birthday to you! Happy

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday fatefellshort. Happy birthday to you!!! :]
Hope ur lucky and where you live they let you get your license on ur 16th birthday!

fox333's picture

Happy birthday!!!! Stay

Happy birthday!!!!
Stay strong!!!

"I feel like Nacy Drew in the mystery of the midlife crisis."
-Roger Bannister
The Stepford Wives

-Ruby-'s picture

Happy B-day! oxoxox

reading thru ur journals, ur issues actually remind me of mine. i used to have real problems with food/eating, which involved major binging where i ate everything in the house, and starving myself. it was really unhealthy. this started when i was about 15 [in 11th grade], occurred on-and-off for about 5 years, and didn't go away until i was 20 [starting 3rd-yr university, which was last year]. i didn't handle this issue well at all, because i was too shy and embarassed to talk about it, and that probably made it harder to make it go away. since u are able to be open and honest about what u are going thru, and u can talk about it, that means that u are probably going to get better even faster and easier than someone like me. u sound like ur on ur way to great health, so keep up what ur doing.

i also used to have acne, but it was never severe enough to go on accutane. since age 11, i was on a variety of medicated creams over the years. then when i turned 20, i started breaking out worse then before. i started getting breakouts on my shoulders and back. acne is normal to have when ur a teenager and going thru puberty and stuff, but it's not normal to still be breaking out when ur 20, which is why i suspected something else was the problem. around this time i also started missing periods and having much more painful periods than usual. this went on for several upsetting months. when i finally went to my doctor to find out what was up, i was sent for a series of blood tests. eventually i found out that i have PCOS [polycystic ovary syndrome], a hormonal disorder that occurs in 5-10% of women. i dont actually have cysts on my ovaries, but some people do. anyway i went on the birth control pill, and it cured both my acne and my period problems for good. if u r having period issues too u should perhaps look into PCOS testing.

Splash's picture

Happy birthday!

I make three! :-)

Um... silly sounding question... I thought Accutane was supposed to STOP you from breaking out?

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

fatefellshort's picture

Awe thanks guys [=

Awe thanks guys [=
Splash; it kind of.. drys you out and brings everything to the surface. So for the first month or so a lot of people break out really bad as the stuff gets in your system. It started to get a lot better but now my dosage got upped so its sort of bringing more out again... I didn't explain that very scientifically sorry haha
Ruby; =/ I know how you must have felt. For me it started in 7th grade.. so I was.. uh.. *counts* 12. *sigh* I can talk about it & I have a therapist but I still am scared I will relapse. In the past I've always relapsed. So far I've been okay for.. 24 days. I just really don't wanna relapse (to binging). It suckss. Although I have gotten faster and faster at bouncing back. =/

&& That sounds really scary :X my friend had ovary cysts or whatever. I got the jist that it included screaming in pain and being sent to the hospital =/. I'm glad you don't have that && that everything worked out, wooh! =]

edit: oh and your journals remind me of me.. the.. sexual imagination in them ahaha . yeah..