I'm almost certain i'm bi

Macbeth's picture

I am almost 100% sure that i'm bisexual/pansexual. But I don't know for sure. Is there a way to be sure? How did you know you were bi/pan? Did you/how did you change mentally/emotionally/etc. when you were sure?

I am certain but there's always the stories about bisexuality being a phase, attention seeking etc. I know it's bulls**t but it still makes you have doubts.

TeeAhr1's picture

"Sure" is highly overrated

See the title. I'm in my twenties, and all I'm sure of is that I'm not sure of much. What is the benefit of being "sure" in this particular case? What would that knowledge do for you?

Y'know, my mother told me it was just a phase too. That was twelve years ago. Maybe she's right, how would I know? For all I know, it's just a really long phase ;)

Just ride the wave, that's all any of us humans ever do, just ride the wave. And maybe one day in a month or a year or ten years you'll wake up and be "sure." Maybe not. That's fine.

blessed be-
TeeAhr1 (p. daniels) - Special Assistant To Mr. Wonka

jeff's picture


If you're targeting bi, how sure do you need to be? want to date girls? fine. Want to date boys? fine. Doesn't seem to require much certainty, just openness.

Just pursue who interests you and let your past indicate any unnecessary labels rather than waste any time sitting around thinking about them now...

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook and MySpace.

-Ruby-'s picture


i don't know about "pansexual"... i mean i'm not attracted to frying-pans or anything, so i don't think i'm that.
just kidding. actually i'm bi. it took me a while to figure it out. when i was a kid, i had strong attractions to girls, but not so much to guys. in hiskewl and the beginning of university, all of my strong attractions and crushes were on females. i had times of thinking guys were cute, but i never deeply wanted a guy in a sexual/romantic way. i dated a lot of guys, but never felt that attracted to them, kind of felt like i was faking heterosexuality, and for a while thought i was full-out gay.
eventually i came out about my attraction to girls, and i started going out with girls. did the dating thing, did the sex thing, liked it, it felt totally right, and i was like "yeah, i'm gay."
however, after a while i became friends with this guy who i felt attracted to in both a romantic and sexual way. the feelings were mutual. he was my boyfriend for 4 months, we went on vacation together, started a band, had a LOT of sex, had a lot of fun, and were in love... until we broke up. however, the experience of being with him made me realize that i'm bi, and now i feel totally comfortable and firm in my identity as a bisexual woman.
i am currently single, and find myself attracted to certain males and certain females. i fantasize about males and females. i watch girl-girl, girl-guy, and girl-girl-guy porn [i'm not into guy-guy, i just don't find it hot]. i don't know which gender i will hook up with next, but i'm open to either. for me, attraction to someone and compatibility with someone doesn't really have anything to do with their gender. what i really like about being with someone is when u can just spend all day together [or 10 days together on a trip, like i did with my BF], and not get bored of eachother, and never run out of things to talk about and do. i want to be with someone who accepts me and appreciates me and tries to understand me.

Splash's picture

if this helps anyone...

I looked up "pansexual" in the dictionary because I was confused about what it was. This is what I got:
pansexual |panˈsek sh oōəl|
not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity.
a person who is sexually inclusive in this way.

So yeah... nothing to do with frying pans... :-)

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Macbeth's picture

I think Ruby hit the nail on the head for

The frustration I have with society is that people generally seem to believe that what genitals a person possesses has a bearing on whether you can fall in love with them. But I have never felt this. I'm person-sexual. I don't think sex or gender is a defining factor in who I feel attracted to. I suppose this makes me bisexual.

But i'm frustrated with the term bisexual. Bisexual means in the minds of most people that you are gay on some days and straight on others. You like masculine guys one day, feminine girls the next. I don't feel this. I myself am a neutral looking guy with a feminine mind (in society's eyes) and I don't take gender in to consideration.

Thanks for replying to me guys. It really helps me put things to order in my mind and just typing this reply helps me reveal things to myself that even I wasn't consciouslly aware about myself.

Stay groovy

jeff's picture


Well, you're not going to change what society thinks. So, if you're bi, you just have to live your truth.

Dr. Wayne Dyer often says (not sure if he's quoting someone else): "What you think of me is none of my business."

That sort of sums it up. If your truth works for you, and people think everything you listed is true about you... so? As long as you have a circle of supportive people around you, an accepting family, and find love, let them say whatever they want.

You already made the most important step. You're not straight. :-)

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook and MySpace.

typicalmusician's picture

Thanks Ruby...that was

Thanks Ruby...that was exactly right! I've had basically the same experience, sans the sex and porn bits...so you can know you're bi even if you're just attracted/kissing/etc. In my opinion, you don't need a relationship to know you're bi/pansexual (both terms which I wish were more inclusive...I find androgyneous (sp?) people who don't really display one gender or the other pretty damn hot for the most part, and so the "bi" label isn't completely accurate). Anyway, just go with it...if you feel attracted to people of different genders, there you go! Pick a label and have fun explaining to yourself and the word how it fits. ;)

Maux's picture

well, i think you're right

well, i think you're right about not judging wheather you date someone or not by their genitals. you'd be surprised how many ppl agree with us. my mom said the same thin about it being a phase, but i know that it's because she just doesn't want to accept it.
oh yeah, another word for pansexual is trysexual. it's in Rent.

Bisexual by nature. Absolutely fabulous by choice.

masochist's picture

does wat's between the

does wat's between the person's legs really matter?

Neutrina's picture

To some people. If you're

To some people.
If you're going to have to deal with what's between a person's legs...nicer if it's something that doesn't make you gag.

"When the people begin to reason, all is lost" - Voltaire

masochist's picture

dont get me wrong i'd much

dont get me wrong i'd much rather have a nice a pair of boobs than a penis(shudders eww) but im saying if yer equally attarcted to both sexes like a bisexual, pansexula, or watever the fuk u wanna call yerself then it shouldnt really matter as long as yer feelings are genuine.

Neutrina's picture

*nods* Good point. "When

*nods* Good point.

"When the people begin to reason, all is lost" - Voltaire