It's nice to be back. :) Hello!

Cleopatra's picture

It's nice to be back here in this site, I haven't visited this site for almost a year or two already, and this is my first time to write an entry here again :)

Anyway, I'm doing fine I think, after my considered-best-friend (since I have no concept of best friend haha) told me she loved me. We went out that time, and it was the eve before my 19th birthday. She told me she had something to say. When we were just hanging out in a bar, she told me she loved me. Of course, I didnt know how to react coz I treated her as my closest friend and I didnt think that she'll give malice to our friendship/she'd think of me as someone else, ie, someone really special to her. She even told me that the moments prior the eve before my birthday, she considered us to be more than friends, when in fact I was just treating her as a mere close friend- I did not feel anything more than romantic towards her, except for one time when she hugged me really tight when I needed one. But that feeling ended there. She told me we'll still be friends, and I thought that nothing will change but like what my other friend told me, it woulndt be the same as before: she had let the cat out of the bag already and of course, now that I know, things will be different.

I felt sad at first because I really felt she was keeping her distance from me; she erased all her comments from my sites, and she told me that she's trying to erase me from her "system of intimate life" so that things won't be hard anymore. She said she has been hurting for almost 4 months already- all because of that. It was because I told her to fish facts and bits about my crush, who happens to be her organization mate. During that time, I didnt have an inkling that she has some feelings toward me.

There were times when she would be so possessive of me to the point that I'm choking, because she'd send me a text message asking me if I was alright, if I have already eaten, if I have arrived home, etc, and if I didnt reply she'd get mad and we'd fight. She even told me t stop smoking and even though it was against my will, since she was my closest friend, I quited.

During these times, I really was not happy- it was like someone's binding my to chains and even though I regard her as a close friend and I like her as such, I wasnt liking the way she was treating me. My friends have noticed that too, that I was not as happy and wild as before, and that's all because of the restrictions she was imposing on me.

One week after telling me she loved me, we fought- just because I didnt answer a question she was asking me. All ended there. It was not a happy one, but I feel free. And I'm liking it. No one hurts me anymore. IT was kind of an abusive "friendship" (or so I'd like to think), and I was not happy. But I miss the times when we're together and having fun. C'est la vie.