I'm a dyke. So now what?

music is life's picture

So I've pretty much figured my sexuality out.. I'm a dyke. And I don't mind that label, personally I need to have things labeled and in place and set in stone for the most part. Well thats why figuring your sexuality out sucks balls because it's fluid. Anyways, so now I'm like confused with everything else. I know I kinda said I was going to join the swim team at school, but maybe basketball. I think I might go back to basketball this season because
- I enjoy basketball
- Theres a new coach that isn't a pedaphile
- If I quit bball for a year and go back to it, i'll probably be on JV as a junior and thats not cool
- I still have 2 more years to do swim team
I know I make things a bigger deal than they need to be, I wish I didn't though. I'll take forever to make a decision and then when I make it I think its the wrong one and I'll regret it. (I think too much into things)
Blah right now my heads saying basketball. Sara's on the swim team though and I won't be able to be with her as much though..... grr

I'm a student helper for a 5th grade teacher for one of my class periods and today I had to make a chart and I was sitting there and one of the students comes up to me and says, "I think you look better when you wear your hair down, I mean you're still pretty but I think you're prettier when you wear your hair down." I was like um Thank You? I wear my hair in a pony tail most of the time, I have side bangs and today I wore my hair in a messy bun and it looked cute. I'm too lazy to wear my hair down a lot. I can't just step out of the shower and be on my way, my hair would get super wavy.
But this girl reminds me of myself when I was in 5th grade. I've thought that from like the first day I was in there. Its just weird to be older and then be around younger kids and then think which kid you were. I was the "I play sports but am not a jock and have good grades but doesn't know everything and doesn't fit into a click but hangs out with everybody kid" or maybe thats me now?


Arthur's picture

^_^ Basketball is so gay...

I mean no offence in any way. It was just the first thing I could think to say, since that what my friend Gwen said everytime she saw a person from the team. She was in wrestling and the girls from BB said that all the girls on wrestling were lezzies, so she came back with the fact that only a few people on BB were straight. Whereas, with wrestling, at least half of them were straight. So, basketball is gay. I'll shut up now.

Sexuality really is one of those things that's hard to pin down (pardon the wrestling pun). I myself think I'm straight, but will be one of the first to admit that I've looked at a guy and thought "HotDAMN!" It's only happened twice that I can remember, (There was a guy in my japanese class last fall...guh. He was just so damn perfect. He looked like a model, for cryin out loud!!! I hated him, but thought he looked good at the same time. Made my girlfriend laugh.) and I've never wanted to sleep with a guy or anything, I'm just able to think that a man is good-looking. It's the girls that get me. Smart, funny, and easy on the eyes? I am sold. Course, I'm one of those that will think you're smart if you can tell me a cool fact that I didn't know (Strawberries have more Vitamin C than oranges. Ask the Snapple Co. They said it on a cap.), I'll laugh at just about anything remotely amusing, and I can find an attractive feature, physical or not, with just about everyone I know. So I don't require much. :) But yeah, I dunno if I'm gay, straight, bi, pan---I think, for now, I'm gonna settle for being Arthur. Yeah, that works for me.

On the subject of the sports, pick something you won't get tired of. That usually helps me. If that doesn't work, flip a coin. If it comes up heads for swimming and you find yourself disappointed, pick basketball.

"Oh for fu*ks SAKE! Stop angsting and bloody well ASK ME if we can move to where Charlie's going!...Fu*king wannabe martyr."--Khaos Komix

music is life's picture

Hmm.. A girl in wrestling

Hmm.. A girl in wrestling has got to be gay. lol. But seriously. I think I'm the only one of the basketball team that is gay besides the coach she's a dyke too!! (I probably don't even count because I'm not out) I wish basketball at my school is as gay as your school is! Our softball team isn't even gay, once again I'm the only one that is (although I have a few suspsions)

Oh I wish I could make my decisions as easy as flipping a coin.

Fiona Rosge's picture

Yeah! (how do you spell

Yeah! (how do you spell y-ay?) sometimes it good to make exact decisions like that, it makes you feel like you have more control but I want to warn you-i speak from expirence-dont be surprised if all the sudden you start thinking...maybe dating a guy wouldnt be that bad. I thought I was like total dead set lesbian and then I dated this guy (i would like to point out that I AGREED to date this guy, it wasnt even a crush really it was just a "hmm maybe) and it didnt work well, so im pretty sure im still gay. which for me is nice because I know.
As far as what you said about the decision part its funny because im like that to, esp what you said about thinking to much, it gets annoying doesnt it? as far as thinking you want to go out for bball i say make a pro and con list thats really the only suggestion i can offer you. although for me I ask a ton of peoples oppinions, its just what I do.
it sounds cool about the teacher helper bit, i dont think i could do it but if you think you like it then it sounds fun. it sounds like it could be a good thing for you. i mean it could be a little complicated but its those small comments that keep you going through out the day, recongnise that.
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire

music is life's picture

Ya I've thought about being

Ya I've thought about being with a guy just for the "experience" but like I'll see guys and think they're hot and then I'm like ok so what now? I don't get all butterfly-e like I do when I see a hot girl.
I wish I didn't think so much, and does get really frustrating and hard at times. I've been asking like all my friends what they think I should do and they're probably getting really annoyed.

When I student help the teacher doesn't have me student help really, I just grade papers and put up posters in the hallways and copy papers for her mostly. So its not too hard and I really like the teacher, she's hilarious.
And yes the small comments do help you through your day, and I probably don't recognize it as much as I should.

the mouse that roared's picture

hey, dyke!

Congrats, and welcome to the club!

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

-Ruby-'s picture

lol, kids...

i've worked with kids for years. since they are young and haven't really grasped the concept of tact, i have gotten some really random comments... everything ranging from "you're pretty!" and "can i play with your hair?" to "your bathing suit is ugly" (when i was teaching swimming) and "why do you have a nose ring?"
... ahhh, good times.

i always wear my hair down. i think i look way better with it down. i have this long thick wavy kinda wild hair... and i don't straighten it or anything, i just put mousse in it and let it do its own thing. some people say my hair has the "hippie" look... that's cool, cuz i do play classic rock on guitar and my hair is totally 60's/70's. and u know, rocking the whole "beachy waves" look can actually make u feel hot!

and in terms of labelling yourself... if it makes you feel better, then by all means, do it. but u really shouldn't rush into labeling, if u can take ur time. the thing is, i actually used to think i was a totally gay lesbian only into girls. i didn't have crushes on guys. i got butterflies around girls, not guys. then... when i was 21 years old (last yr) i fell in love with a guy. i didn't get butterflies or nervous around him... we just clicked and became BF&GF. he was the first guy that i ever developed a sexual attraction to. i was HOT for him, and i was totally mushy/romantic for him. so... that just goes to show that for many people, sexuality is totally fluid...