I feel so vulnerable. I feel lonely. I feel afraid. I feel fear.
My grandfather and grandmother are dying - I'm trying to cope with that, but it's hard. Know one knows how difficult it is for me either - no one seems to care. I sort of bring it up - that my parents are in Pittsburgh, basically saying "'god bye" and I've even mentioned that I won't ever see them again, but nobody cares. I've broken down 5 times these past two days, and it makes me feel pathetic.
Then, I feel so lonely. I've only been touched by one person. I'm not even talking about fucking; I'm talking about a relationship. And everyone else around me are having these experiences, and half of them are fags! No one even seems to like me, they all seem to like my friend. Some of them are even dumb ass hypocrites. I tried to get close to this one kid, but he reacted by saying he had a boyfriend. Fair enough, right? Well he started to hit on my friend. And my friend is fucking engaged. Why can't anybody understand that?
Then I feel close to no one; that I can't connect with anyone. Like, I don't feel comfortable enough with anybody to go up and be like "hey, can I talk to you for a bit? I've got some emotional baggage I need to unload somehow."
Sleep puts me in a better mood. I didn't really get any last night anyway.