Hmmm

bulldyke's picture

I want to write something, but i'm not sure what. my hands are cold, and it makes it hard to type.

i'm kinda manic right now. my rebound from being depressed all weekend...sigh... i hate my body sometimes. and i wish the freakin scientists would come up with better medication, so that i could be on something that doesn't turn everything grey. oh well.

that probably didn't make any sense...i have a bipolar disorder, and refuse to take meds for it. depressed=down (duh) manic=up/hyper/high. sigh...i couldn't sleep if i wanted to, and i'm too wired to actually do anything productive...like write.

i get really uber creative when i'm manic...it's when i do my best writing.

OH! i know! i could go write that essay!! lol a friend gave me an idea for an essay, and i want to write it...i'm so pathetic. i love writing so much. it's like...everything to me. i'm better at writing than i am at anything else.

words just come to me. i'll get an idea, and i'll just have to write it out. it's...i dunno. people are constantly telling me that i should get published (again), but...meh. it's sooooo much work to get publishd, and even then...i don't care what other people think enough to make it matter. i mean, it's a nice feeling when i tell people that i'm published, but i don't care all that much. partly that's cause i didn't have to work for it (long story), and partly it's just cause i write for myself, and if other people enjoy it great! but if not, i still have it for myself.

lol i'm totally rambling.

i miss R...sigh...oh wells. i'm not going to go there right now.

i want to read this amazing femslash about liv and alex from SVU, but 1 it's 3 thousand pages long and 2 it's waaaaay too emotional for me right now. maybe i'll read that other one...hmmm

that's one of the prices i pay for staying off meds; most of the time, i can't read emotional books or watch emotional movies. that sort of thing can send me spiraling into a depression that it'll take days to get out of...and that just sucks. oh well! it's not so bad, really. i know myself really well because of the bipolar...i know what i can handle, and what i can't, and when stuff is just too much.

okay...i'm gonna go write that essay now!

one last note, though...! you guys on oasis are awesome. just freakin awesome. i keep coming back here, after all these years (lol 3, but still), and it always makes me feel good. so YAY for oasis!!!

love y'all!
Bulldyke