Outed...

artguy's picture

Hey

I'm new here, just found this forum by looking online.

I think right now I just need some advice from others like me. I'm just feeling a bit lost.

About 3 weeks ago I came out to by 2 best friends. I'm glad I did because this is who I am. I can't really explain it but its like being able to breathe for once.

But about 2 weeks ago in my sculpture class I was outed by one of the girls in my class. I had never told her or anyone in that class, much less that campus.

I was speaking with the table that I sit at and I guess what triggered this girl to out me was by me saying that I don't want children at this point in my life. I don't have the best relationship with my family, so I'm not sure if I want kids.

But the very second I said this, the girl just started saying, "You're the biggest stereotype! Come out! Come out! It's okay! Push, push, push! Push the door! Don't be afraid! Push!" She just yelled it out in front of the classroom. What made me so mad was that she was laughing the whole time.

I'm bi and the campus I go to is really a religious campus. I mean, the people are religious, not the campus, but the comments I've heard about gay people have hurt me at times. I'm the 'gay' guy now in that class and even a few people have stopped speaking to me or just sort of act like I'm not there.

I don't have any gay friends, so just having to deal with coming to terms with my sexuality has been hard. And this girl that outed me in that class is gay. I thought this was my right to keep this private, to tell those I trusted.

I don't even know what to do. I feel so abused and harassed by this girl for doing this. And she doesn't stop because she makes like comments to others when I'm around. She'll say things like, 'Well, you know gay guys, they're crazy."

I really want her to stop. I don't know who to go to. I can't do this. I mean, any advice?

Uncertain's picture

Hey artguy

If she's gay, I think she should know better. She should have given you more respect than that. Maybe she's just ecstatic and over the top that there's another 'gay/bi' person she knows and she's overreacting.

Tell her she's making you uncomfortable. Tell her to stop, don't go on huge tangents - otherwise she won't get it. Maybe to her being gay/bi might be a big deal, but tell her there's a lot more to being you and being a person than just being gay. Be upfront with her, simply being gay doesn't require extra sympathy on your part if she's a dick or bad person. Being gay shouldn't affect how you see or treat a person (in this context), especially if she's already being inconsiderate towards you.

As for being outed, I hope things are going alright. I guess look at the positive side of it, you're being honest to a lot of people and you no longer have to pretend. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

And... welcome! Enjoy your stay, people are pretty friendly here.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I guess the issue is whether you can go back into the closet... if you're truly outed, it's typically not easy to go back. But this depends on how you handled it when she was saying this stuff, her reputation at school, etc.

If you're the gay guy now in that class, it would probably spread throughout the school kind of quickly.

So, I guess I'm wondering if you have the option of going back to being closeted.

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook and MySpace.

Riku's picture

Wow. That was rude of her.

Wow. That was rude of her. D: You shouldn't out people (obviously) Blehh..

I guess you'll just have to confront her about it. I agree with Uncertain.

Either way, good luck with it all. I'm sure it's not easy to be outed when you aren't ready/expecting it. You might be able to get back in the closet, and if not, you'll get the hang of it. The hardest part is learning to stop caring what people think, and what stupid judgements they make.

Keep this in mind: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don' t matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr.Suess

bulldyke's picture

I wish I could tell you to

I wish I could tell you to just ignore her, and go on with your life, but that only works in feel-good stories.

Can you just take her aside and tell her to knock it off? (Okay, make it sound like you're not talking to a three year old, but ya get my point.)

If you can't/she won't, I guess...you are who you are. And people are assholes, no getting around that. Hopefully, if you don't confirm or deny any of it (or deny, as long as you're okay with that), it'll blow over after a while.

Or it won't. It fucking sucks, and I'm so sorry that your coming out has been so traumatizing. *hug*

As callous as it is, the people who won't talk to you aren't worth it. And I know that helps just about as much as if I was saying that it'll pass. But it's true.

I really hope you stay with Oasis...I keep coming back here, and the people are wonderful.

Good luck!!! I'm sure we'd all like to know how things turn out.

Bulldyke
"Excuse me if I don't feel comfortable shoving this tampon up my penis in the mens room." Andrea Gibson, on women who mistake her for a guy in the ladies room.

mark210's picture

go with the flow

down here in texas the gays are crazy...lol..we would just laugh and call her a dumb bitch but thats just us...if i were you i would just ignore it...i know its easy said then done but if you just agree to everything she say sarcastically then she will get tired of you and drop the subject..if that doesnt work then act like a texas boy and tell her to shut up bitch.. and as for the religous school they should know better then to ridicule anyone the whole message of god is about helping people and being a better person duh!!! well good let and let us know how it goes
~mark from texas!~

Lol-taire's picture

If you told her in

If you told her in confidence then what she's doing is very unfair. And if you want her to stop, tell her to stop. She sounds annoying actually.

But once you tell a secret, even to one or two people, it's really not a secret anymore.

I have kept possibly one secret in my entire life. Two actually. Everything else get's told to a trusted friend or my mother or several friends. Who then tell a trusted friend or their mother or several friends.

When I first told a person I was gay, two more people knew by the next day. I didn't find out about this until a year or so later once I was out properly. I never officially came out at my other school but everyone knew, because everyone talks.

I wish you every luck on your religious campus- which does complicate your situation- but if you want to be immune from outing, come out. If you don't do it now when will you do it?
And if you don't come out how will you meet other gays?