Yup. The girl of my dreams gave a guy head. :(
I mean she 1) doesn't know I'm gay but I think she wouldn't care either way but she would question a lot of the times we've been together b/c I sorta flirt with her. 2) she's straight and thats what girls do when they like guys. 3) She's hot and I figured she was going to get with someone one day or another and I just thought it would be me. 4) I got my hopes up and shouldn't have.
Blah. This always happens. Honestly I don't know if I would be more upset if she had sex with a girl than a guy, because I've never liked a gay girl. I shouldn't even be upset because nothing was ever going to happen anyway but I still held onto the slim chance. And I still kinda hold onto it, but now if I ever do get to kiss her like I want to then I'll think about how she gave this guy head and think how some guys dick was in her mouth. I feel really stupid for thinking that because it doesn't matter if she's had sex with a guy or not etc. I don't want to know the people's I date like sexual history necassirly; just as long as I know they don't have STD's.
Ugh but she has such kissable lips and great smile and she's smart. She's a cheerleader and she totally doesn't act like the stereotypical cheerleader. Not to mention the fact that she's brunette and those are my weakness.
We are in this same group and today we got to fly in an airplane (a little one, it holds like 3 passengers) and see our houses. It was awsome. I love flying now. Its waayy better than any rollercoaster I've been on. And I drove Her home afterwards. I act casual around her, I get butterflys but its not like to the point where I don't want to talk to her. I want to be around her, I act myself. Honestly the butterflys are a big part of why I keep talking to her. I love that feeling of like floatingness, goofy smiles and just living in the moment.
I fall too hard and too easily.