what do you guys think?

Larry is your dog's picture

So I have this friend, we'll call her Marsha, who was dating a guy, we'll call him Eric. They dated for a few months and everything seemed to be going well, I became friends with Eric through Marsha, and we saw each other almost day. Marsha dumped Eric abruptly, they seemed happy, and no one saw this coming. When I talked to her about it, she said she dropped him because their relationship was becoming "awkward". Evidently, he never made an effort to kiss her, and when she brought up the topic of sex he freaked out and told her he wasn't ready. When she broke up with him, he begged her to remain his friend, and launched into this whole sob story about how he's strugged with depression. Marsha didn't remain his friend, and they're no longer speaking. As a result I never see Eric anymore.

I'm sure you're all wondering...what's the point? Well, I'm getting to that.

Everyone is now saying that Eric is gay. He claims to be straight, and doesn't really "act gay" but wouldn't a truly heterosexual man want to kiss his girlfriend at the least? He comes from a Catholic family, but he is an atheist, and his family isn't that religious, so I don't think this is a Jesus issue. He has problems he needs to work out, and his one and only friend has told me that he knows there's something wrong with him but doesn't understand what, because Eric doesn't tell him anything person. So here's my question: should I make an effort to help Eric or should I mind my own business? He's a nice person and if he is gay maybe it would help him to talk to another gay man (moi) who would understand what he's going through. He is a nice guy, although not exactly friendly, and he is cute. However, I don't want to get involved in something where it's not my place.


the mouse that roared's picture

It's your call, dude.

It sounds like he might be able to use your help, if indeed he is gay, but maybe it's just rumors, and your friend might not forgive you if you meddle in breakup rumors. Maybe offer to Eric's friend that you can talk to him if he needs help working through gayness, but what else might you do?

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

mark210's picture

don't rush

first dont jump into any conclusions ok...um i would start off by having short friendly conversations at school if you dont have any classes with him i would just say whats up in the hallway or something but you got to put your masculine face on because he needs to feel comfortable first then thats when you start digging deeper and deeper into his thoughts and feeling just ask simple questions like have you lived here all your life? and what church do you go to? and things like that and ask him what he likes to do and dont be afraid to argue because that how you really know how a person is by their opinions... well good luck

Lol-taire's picture

I've got one of those, but

I've got one of those, but mine is gayer than yours.

Although if he's struggled with depression it's likely he's lost or had significant reduction in sex drive/ interest in sex while he was depressed. He may well be gay- plenty of people are- but he may also be straight. Also if he's sexually inexperienced he may just have felt uncomfortable when he was with your friend Marsha- he may just not have known what to do with her.

I say: stay friendly when you see him, but you don't owe him anything. If he is gay seeing an out person about the place is very reassuring. But I wouldn't go in for the heart to heart just yet.

wild-blue-yonder's picture

I dunno. . .

Just from what you've said, I'm not convinced he's gay. There are other reasons for not wanting to kiss your significant other. Though it's true the majority of couples don't seem to have that problem. I'd suggest checking in with him in a friendly non-confrontational way, just to let him know you're there if he needs anything, and leave it at that (especially if he knows you're gay) because then the ball's in his court, and you haven't jumped to any conclusions that might be embarrassing for both of you.

I don't know, though. . . if you did bring up the subject it might really help him if he was too shy to ask anyone himself, and even if he wasn't gay he'd still probably appreciate your trying to help. I guess you know the situation better than us. . . trust your instincts?

bulldyke's picture


contact him, talk to him, see if he's receptive. if he is, great, if he's not, whatever. all you can do is offer your support.

another thing...he might just be asexual. which might be related to the depression he may or may not be struggling with.

"this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart" e.e. cummings

Lone Palm's picture

Just Be There

I would say that you should just try to be his friend and tell him that if he needs to talk to someone you're there for hi. If he is gay I'm sure he'll talk about it when he's ready.

oldfoxbob's picture

First off

Does he know your gay? If not use caution here. He has had depression in the past and may still have it as its not something that goes away overnight you know. You can still make an effort to be his friend and as a friend you two will talk about all sorts of things including sexuality. If he is not aware that you are gay you can hint at the subject and based on his answers he will be supportive or then again not.
You said he was not overly friendly, this is something to be careful on if you DO come out to him if you are not already. He could become hostel towards you and out you to people you are not ready to come out to. Therefore do be careful.
Any way you look at it, it is always good to make friends, so do so. Become his friend and you both will be richer for it.
Good luck

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.