perple's picture

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Gaddamit. I can't deal with not being honest anymore. I mean, I don't have half the drama any of you guys have (in fact, I kinda go into negatives), but I can't stand it! I mean, all of my female relatives (and a few male) keep on asking me if i like any guys at school, and I'm like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Every time. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I mean, what the fack? And it really sucks because I know everyone will be cool with it by the end, except my grandma. yay. I mean, she's not just conservative. She's like "bringing up politics in dinner and actually thinks Obama's a terrorist" kind of conservative. But I know I shouldn't have expected to have a perfect life. I mean, I'm so facking lucky. But still. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. AAAA. A.
And while I'm ranting (kinda my way of praying, which is why I didn't swear), pllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssssszzzzzzeeee God, let someone attractive come out and be my girlfriend. Please. Cause right now I really need an OOOOO to counterbalance my AAAA.


Lehcure's picture


yeah, that does get annoying..the relatives asking that. hmm. i say just come out. next time one of them asks, just do it then. I know it's a lot harder said than done, but it could be better that way. shock them :). and you ended this journal entry nicely. hope everything goes in your favor :]

bulldyke's picture

coming out (even with a

coming out (even with a supportive/accepting family) is horribly hard. like...harder than anything. but it is the HUGEST relief to get it off your chest. so...take a deep breath, and just do it. maybe wait til grandma goes home (she doesn't live with you, does she?), and just....let it all out.

In the meantime, scream a lot. It makes you feel better, even if it doesn't do anything else. :D

Good luck surviving the holidays. *hug*

"this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart" e.e. cummings

perple's picture


know what? given how my grandma is soooo going to ask me since she's staying in my room this christmas (with the gay stickers on the door), i just mught tell her :)

jeff's picture


You want to find a closeted girlfriend. Mixed relationships are harder. Out people do better dating out people, closeted with closeted. When closeted people date out people, they try to make the out person become semi-closeted again. Never works out well, based on what I've seen...

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook and MySpace.

WantsOut's picture

Good luck.

I'm going through the same problem.
"When are you gonna geet a girlfriend?"
"Uh... You don't wanna know."
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Remember me to one who live there.
He used to be a true love of mine.

Dyke of Awesomeness's picture

I disagree with Jeff.

I disagree with Jeff. Although having one closeted person and an out person can cause problems, don't rule out mixed relationships to soon. Yes, it sucks, but it can also help. Closeted relationships (hose with two closeted people) would hopefully become a mixed relationship eventually anyway. Coming out together is really hard, not to mention that if one person starts wanting to be out, and the other isn't ready, hard times. I think all relationships suck. I know, cynical. But really, your going to have to face all sorts of shit no matter how out or closeted you both are. No matter what the combination, (other than out out which all relationships should eventually be, hopefully, maybe, please?) have problems. i don't think closeted people should only date closteded people. Just as out people shouldn't only date ouyt people. Mainly because there just aren't enough of us. Frankly, its hard enough finding someone who isn't straight to be in a relationship with, so why limit yourself further?

Anyway, coming out isn't easy, not is it a one time thing. Hate to sound like a pamflet or whatnot, but when you decide you want to come out, it won't be easy. Its important to remember that people's first response isn't always how they actually feel. It takes most people time to come to terms with them being queer. So how can we dump this on the people who care about us, and expect them to have it all figured out right away? Give it time and remember that these people still love you, no matter how long it takes them to realize that.

"Dawn must DIE!!"
Fallon, after watching 'Once More With Feeling' of Buffy the Vampire Slayer