perple's picture

Hey. I just came out to myself as a girl who likes girls. Thing is, I'm still not sure if I like guys. I know I think people like young Leo Dicaprio were hot, but I'm still not sure. I just wanted people to write in when they really "knew", if that even happens, and is there really a point in labeling myself? Can I become involved in the gay community w/o trying so hard? Please help.

Neutrina's picture

Hey. Don't worry about

Hey. Don't worry about labeling yourself. If you know you like girls, go for girls, and if you find a guy you like, go for him.
You don't have to try hard to fit in here. We don't need you to rigidly define yourself.

"When the people begin to reason, all is lost" - Voltaire

bulldyke's picture

as i see it, sexuality (who

as i see it, sexuality (who you like and who ya don't) is a 'spectrum'. at one end is liking only guys and the other end is liking only girls. me, i fall at that end (i like girls). most people, though, fall in between somewhere. so yeah, like neutrina said, don't worry about labling yourself.

BUT i like to be able to describe myself, so i use the word lesbian. if you want to describe yourself, be willing to change. maybe you mostly like girls, but you're not opposed to a guy, if it's the right one. or maybe you like girls, but can appriciate an attractive guy when you see one (that'd be me).

"be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." dr. seuss said that, and it's totally true. you are who you are, and if you find a word to describe that, and you like the word, use it. but it's just a word.

welcome to oasis, and warm congradulations on coming out. :D *hug* it's a HUGE step, and (yes, this sounds cheezy) you're very brave to take it.

if you ever need anything, advice, a friend, whatever, feel free to message me.

"this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart" e.e. cummings

fox333's picture

you could become a

you could become a werelesbian like me.

"I feel like Nacy Drew in the mystery of the midlife crisis."
-Roger Bannister
The Stepford Wives

the ghost's picture


I am not sure at exactly what point I decided ok I am definitly a lesbian. I always knew I liked other girls, and like you, once I had settled that myself I still felt confused about how I felt about guys.

Time is something that really helps clear up how you feel. I know that might be really annoying to hear now,because it annoyed the hell out of me when I heard someone tell me that. It's uncomfortable to not be sure.

Basically I have just taken the attitude that I definitly like girls. I have never really had a crush on a guy...but if that was to change for me I would just think ok so I like a guy now too...and go with what was making me happy.

I think finding a label can seem important when trying to come-out. That was my main hang-up.I was worried I'd come-out as lez and then actually be bi.But honestly it isn't a huge deal, you don't have to label yourself.

In my experience people of the gay community are open and welcoming to all.Whether you have a label or you are still not sure.Get involved as much as you can with some other gay people and it will definitly help you figure a lot out.Good luck and welcome to the magical place that is Oasis =]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

railroadhighwaydreams's picture

You know, that was really

You know, that was really helpful for me too. I'm in the same sort of spot as perple... I guess I just want to be sure I'm not straight, because I know I'm not, but I dont' want to wake up one day (god, I sound naiive) and fancy only guys...
I know that won't happen, but I'm still a bit too eager to label myself, even though I go 'round saying how I hate labels...
I'm always oxymoronical like that.
I'm still just.. unsure bout the whole guy bits.. girls are easy.. so I figure I'll have to force myself to realize it's alright not to know if it's bi or lez, it means nothing anyways...
So thank you so much
"all girls are bi at heart"
"all PEOPLE are bi at heart"

Dyke of Awesomeness's picture

Yeah, me, I'd freak out six

Yeah, me, I'd freak out six ways til sunday if I found out I liked guys as well. I'd get over it, actually I'm working on it now, I have no idea. Its mainly because I have a fear that someday I'll realize I'm not straight, I know it won't happen, but part of me is still afraid it will. My dad insisting that this is just a phase I'm going through doesn't help. Anyway, don't label yourself. Its OK to label yourself as something in between. I have a friend who says shes bi with lesbian preferences. Hell, I have a friend who swears that hes bi with straight preferances. Make up your own identity. The only reason I even gave myself a label is because I'm to much of a chicken not to. I'm a frking wimp. I'm going to curl up under a rock now. But seriously, I get the need to know who you are. Just give it time, and try not to make moral judgments. I know, easier said than done.

"Dawn must DIE!!"
Fallon, after watching 'Once More With Feeling' of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

perple's picture

xoolio. thanks guys.

xoolio. thanks guys. identity freakout averted. :)

gaynow's picture

Aww, damn, I'm too late to

Aww, damn, I'm too late to actually avert anything. Thhbt. Well, I'm glad freakout has stopped. I'll put in my two cents anyway.

Labels are stupid.

...Damn, I'm not saying anything original or interesting, am I? No, but seriously, don't worry about that sort of stuff. You love who you love, you crush awkwardly on who you crush awkwardly on. I came out as gay, and was really loud and in-your-face with the "I am lesbian, hear me roar," and then I realized I might like guys a little bit. But the thing is, I don't actually think I liked guys a few years ago, when I was doing my initial coming-out. Sexuality changes, it's a very fluid thing. And when you get right down to it, it's the person that you fall for, not their sex. So don't freak about about labeling one way or the other. All you need to say now is that you like girls. (You don't have to worry about that part, because in my experience, if you know you like girls then you like girls, it's the liking-guys part that fluctuates.) Yeah, I know this has been said quite a few times on this thread already, but... there's my two cents. Best of luck!!

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

jos's picture


as a kid i never liked girls, nor boys

and then, when i was like 11, suddenly realized i liked boys (and i do mean suddenly)

but i've had some dreams about girls even fantasies
in really weird ocassions, but they happen

first i freaked out big time but now i just think everyone, or almost everyone, is bisexual in some way

and not so long ago i kissed a girl and i just kept thinking "wish you were a boy"
i know that kissing sounds like an extreme alternative and sometimes is not easy finding someone to kiss, but i think is a good test

typicalmusician's picture

I wasn't really sure about

I wasn't really sure about liking people for a long time...I assumed I liked guys but I never really felt anything. Then I completely fell for some girls and realized I definitely liked them. However, I go to an all girls' school and so I don't really get the opportunity to see a lot of guys. I know that I like guys too, though, even if I don't see a lot of them. So I say I'm bi, although at this point I have a preference for girls. It might only be because the only people I know are girls, so I can't really fall for anyone else except in a celebrity-crush kind of way (and I do that too...:)

Also, I agree with jos. I think lots of people are bisexual in some way, and keeping your options open, not restricting yourself to labels you think you should have, etc. is always a good idea. :)

So basically, I have lots of the same feelings you do, from what I can tell, and for the sake of defining them, I call myself bi.

perple's picture

Thanks a lot. I was just

Thanks a lot. I was just watching Star Wars 2, thinking about how hot Hayden Christensen is. After t hat, I think I kinda started to have a rough outline of myself: I really only think guys are cute, but in relationships I most probably really only like girls, but I might like guys as well. So, for all labels, I'm a fluctuating bisexual. But labels are screwy because no one is completely definable by one thing, so screw that. I guess I'm mentally just used to thinking that guys are attractive, which is fine, but I really can only fall in love with a good person, whatever gender they say they are. It just so happens that at this point in time, I'm around a lot of good girls. Wow. I am waaay too complicated, but it's nice to know who I am.