I've been in a really weird place these past couple weeks. With finals around the corner and transferring to a new university in my near future I've been under a fair amount of stress. I've been using this as an excuse as to why I haven't been making the best decisions.
Two weeks ago is when the problems first started, I was at work when I got a text from a girl I dated way back in high school. She asked how I was doing and if I wanted to hang out later that week. This wouldn't be as awkward as it was except for the fact that I haven't spoken to her in over two years and throughout our conversation she hinted that she wanted to get back together with me. I don't know why I said yes to her and agreed to go to the city museum with her later that weekend (The museum here is not a regular museum but more of an amusement park/gym area) but I'm chalking it up to subconsciously not wanting to be alone this holiday season.
So yeah we go to the museum have a good time and in the car she tells me about how bad her current relationship is going and how she keeps having dreams about me (creepy but slightly flattering). However despite whatever feelings she has she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend, who's a douche bag. Long story short, she ends up using me to get her boyfriend to act like an actual person in jealousy of me and tries to lead me on while having me play driver and dog sitter. I understand this sounds slightly stupid but like I said I don't know what I was thinking but I left the situation feeling rather betrayed having been led on like that. So she and I got in a fight two days ago and haven't talked since.
I guess the thing that is bothering me about the whole situation is whether to view it as a good or bad thing. I mean the more I look at it I realize that yeah I was pissed at her for what she did but in turn I led her on just as much with the lie that I was the person she thinks I am (A perfectly straight, normal individual who doesn't see this whole situation like a game) so am I glad she's out of my life....I don't know I guess time will tell.
However along with this blast from the past I've realized the times I was happiest in my past relationships was with my ex James. We weren't the right people for each other but I miss the relationship we had and some of the cute things he would do. I want to find another relationship like that eventually but finding James was kind of random luck, as gay guys are harder to find out near where I live and the ones you find via the internet are usually more interested in sex whereas I'm more interested in the relationship leading up to the sex. So like I've stated I'm really fucking confused at the moment.....I don't know where to go from here