Mindless self indulgence

music is life's picture

This happened to me a few weeks ago but I haven't had time until now to get it all out..

I was in art class and I'm out to this girl named Jen. I'm sitting at her table with a guy who I'm not out to. Jen likes to call me dyke and was going crazy with saying shit about it. Matt got into it to because he thought it was a joke. But then Jen said something how I'm going to be a virgin forever and then Matt said how I never will be fully satisfied and he can fix that. And me being a dumbass was just like "haha shut up!"

It like hit me in the face that I didn't know what to do. Looking back on it I get pissed at myself because I didn't stick up for myself and say shit back to them. It was one of those times that you think about later on and say "I shoulda said this" or whatever ya know? I am never going to just sit there ever again.

I felt so targeted and vulnerable.

Honestly, the reason I play basketball is because I don't want to become physically weak. I need to have confidence in my body that in the event that I need to run away from some rapist murderer with an ax that I will be able too. I'm making up for something I lack emotionally.
I don't think that guy will ever do anything to "fix me" but it makes me sick knowing that there are bastards out there who would.