What's the best way to come out?

perple's picture

what's the best way to come out? are the holidays a bad time? i know all my friends would be fine with it, but the main reason i haven't come out is i dated this really nice guy for like two really awkward weeks and now we're really close friends, but he's never had another girlfriend and i know it won't be easy for him. i'm still not entirely sure of whether i like guys, but i'm a girl that definitely knows she likes girls, so what the HELL do i say/do?

jeff's picture


The best thing to do is not lie, which doesn't necessarily mean coming out. So, "Are you dating a nice boy?" can return "I'm not seeing anyone serious right now," where boy is implied, but you don't say it.

If you're not sure, best to leave it undefined or consider yourself bi for now. Labels are best picked in hindsight, and tend to restrict you if picked too early. So, rather than be a conflicted lesbian staring at a hot guy, you're better off being a bisexual staring at a hot guy or, even better, a girl staring at a hot guy next to a hot girl.

The holidays are a bad time, assuming you have non-holiday times to come out. But for college students and such, it is often the only time you're home to do it face to face, in which case, it's probably better.

As for the guy you're dating, two weeks does not a relationship make, so I doubt you have to start unloading your history just yet. And more highly-evolved partners will never need to know such a thing.

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

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milee13's picture

Face to face is totally

Face to face is totally better if you're a college student/living away from home, otherwise you get stuck having to stress about the next time you actually see the person which can be awkward as fuck.

Lol-taire's picture

She is 13. So two awkward

She is 13. So two awkward weeks is about standard for a relationship.

perple's picture

thanks lol-taire. yeah,

thanks lol-taire. yeah, that's about standard for my age group right now, as is merciless teasing that you never realized your one ever girlfriend was queer. i feel so bad for the guy.

Neutrina's picture

See, the response to that

See, the response to that kind of teasing is, "I was so awesome she went straight for me" or something that makes him seem less...oblivious?

"When the people begin to reason, all is lost" - Voltaire

Splash's picture

If it helps...

In coming out to my friends, I've been finding it much easier to say that I'd rather date girls than guys or that I have a crush on a girl than that I'm a lesbian. That also avoids the labeling awkwardness.

There's no need to broadcast it to the whole world, though, especially at first. Stick to people you trust. At 13, I wouldn't worry too much about whether you like guys. Maybe you do, maybe not. You have a LOT of time for all those feelings to develop.

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

kaysimpsonian888's picture

do it really casually, like

do it really casually, like it's not a huge thing that people need to freak out about. that way, they won't! i was stressed about it for the longest time and then i just sort of accidentally told like my entire group of friends i'm bisexual at a party, and no one thought it was a huge deal.