Advice? help?

jmy's picture

Its a boring day outside and im stuck here, thinking and thinking and going over all of the stuff in my past.
Im starting to wonder if coming out was the wrong thing to do?

I thought i was ready. But now, im not so sure.
I miss having that secret that was mine to share with people i trusted, now everyone knows and i dont feel like its personal anymore. I dont know if i actually am ready to be out (too late now) I mean, there is still so much about myself i need to be comfortable with. Im still not 100% comfortable with this so called 'special' difference i have...

Sure i havent had any single bit of homophobia thrown at me... but still.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Maybe i should just be less open about my sexuality? Maybe just not talk about it with people? until i can be comfortable...

I wish i could 'IN' myself.
I miss those days so bad.

the mouse that roared's picture

Mm

Well, you can't in yourself if you've told everyone you know right now. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about until you're ready. I don't know you, but maybe part of it is just immediate, post-outing fear? A bit of regret for the safety you had?

Why did you come out when you did? What parts were bad about being in the closet?

I'm sure that, by being out, you are a beacon to closeted kids at your school. Once you make your orientation public, it's not completely about you anymore. That can be scary and a bit sad, but it's part of being in these politicized times.

Honey, you did the right thing by coming out. Maybe it's hard right now, but you will get stronger from it, you will grow. You've changed your and other's lives by your actions, and don't you forget it.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day