Blah

starsxfallxup's picture

Well the past couple of days have been uneventful. I've been taking people's advice, trying to keep as busy as possible. I watched an entire season of Arrested Development. I've been playing the Sims a lot (lol that's pretty lame). Yesterday I did go on a bike ride for the first time in over a month, because it wasn't windy or snowy and the roads were clear. I mapped how long it was on this website called mapmyrun.com and it was 14.34 kilometres long. Or 8.91 miles. That's the length I normally go on. And it was alright. I felt better after. But only for a few hours. Then I slipped back into the overwhelming feeling. And it was just as bad as it was when it first started. Fuck, I just don't know what to do.

My cousin is coming over on Friday. Which is nice. She is 25 and she lived with us for a year when I was in the eigth grade. She moved out on my first day of the ninth grade. We got really close, she's like an older sister to me. I really need to tell her that I'm gay soon, because if she finds out through someone else (well I guess facebook, since she doesn't know any of my friends) I think she will be hurt that I didn't tell her. She doesn't have a problem with gay people at all. She said once that she views "hating on gay people just as bad as being racist to black people." So that's super good. I've told her stories about teachers at my school saying retarted things about gay people and she was basically horrified. So that's super good. I just find it hard to say, you know? Hmm whatever.

I really don't like being called a "lesbian". I don't know why but the word just sounds gross. I've never told someone that I'm a lesbian I always say "I'm gay". Lesbian sounds like a disease. Gross. I don't want to label myself as something that sounds gross. I don't like being labelled at all actually. Gay is only a technical term for me. I just like girls, kthanks.

Comments

speakpeacelovefreedom's picture

I never liked the word

I never liked the word lesbian either. Its too close to lesion, which is like a tumor thing, or like a foot growth. And legion is too close also.

Lehcure's picture

.

good luck telling her, well, luck for saying it because it is hard to say sometimes even when you know the people you're telling will be fine with it.
hmm "i'm gay" is also a lot shorter than saying "I'm a lesbian"
"i'm gay" makes it sound a lot more simple because lesbian does sorta sound like some medical term.^. I just got used to saying it. *shrug*..saying in my head, when I play out the scenes of telling people. lol.