Crooked spoons

hayden_love778899's picture

you know those times when you wish you had a controlling person in your life? the kind of people who would tell you what THEY think you should do? i want one. most people want them to get the fuck out but i want one. i hate being stuck in a rut. but i wont exagerate on the rut.

so there's Crystal, 17, we talk all day and all night. She's coming to see me. I love her. I look forward to "us" more then i have ever looked forward to anything in my life. Shes one of those chill girls, she the more "dyke" one, but she has long brown hair, no makeup, with perfect green eyes and a smile that lights up a room. I love the way she blows me kisses on cam, and the way that everynight when im just about to fall asleep on the phone she says "sleep good and sweet dreams perfect" and the way how when i wake her up in the morning ((she stays up till all hours of the morning so when i say "i wake her up in the morning" its actually one o'clock or so)) anyways, i love how when i wake her up in the morning she answers "hey beautiful". She makes me giggle with the way she can talk like Donald Duck and Kermit the Frog,i like the way she respects my parents, and what they want, the rules they set,and their mind frames. i like the way she dresses, the cologne she wears and.... i just like everthing. She wants me, and i know shes not going anywhere, except coming here to see me :P but.. idk what to do.
((from this point on im talking about a different girl))
i dont get why i cant move on... no, i do. It's because she took such a huge part of my heart when we broke up that... when i love fully with the heart i have left idk if its whole heartedly or half-hearted, ya know? She moved on, and she's falling faster then shit for another girl. I have to fake a tone on the phone now, sound happy, i try to make her laugh and it works but i know that theres no giggle giggle "i love you" giggle coming afterwards. ugh. idk.
what should i do?

-Hayden.

Comments

duct tape godess's picture

i havent moved on

i havent moved on completely.
you know how i feel about you.
and i hoped you would know that you will always be in my heart.
i still think about you every day.
it is true that i have fallen for her.
but even though i wanted to i couldnt wait for you.
you may not have done it intentionaly but you are the one that pushed me away.
i called you every day you never answered.
it got to the point that i would literaly cry when i was calling you.
only because i knew you wouldnt answer.
that you wouldnt keep your promise to always be there for me...

and to be completly honest im jealous as fuck of crystal. but thats okay because you and i both know shes better for you. i was never what you needed me to be.
im happy for you and crystal. i think you should just forget about what we were. so you can be happy with her.