jos's picture

So, i'm "home", arrived a week ago. The house is a mess, just coming here to sleep.
I fell like the kid in the movies that goes to his dad's place on the weekends and his flat is shity. Only thing's that my parents are not splitting up, just live in different cities, which makes it more complicated, i guess.

I come here to meet my friends and family, which i haven't seen in over 5 months, and i thought that just seeing them and being with them was gonna make me feel fine but it feels kind of hollow.

And yesterday we went to the gay club and everyone was there and my cousin arrived with two of her friends, which i knew from before, and i start dancing with one of them and he grabbed my ass and i kissed him and he was so nervous about my cousin's other friend seeing him, so i took him to a far corner on the dance floor and we kissed and danced and blah.

And i like him but i'm just gonna be here for another 3 weeks so i thought i could have a holiday fling or whatever, so we kept dancing and kissing and exchanged numbers and he said he wanted to see me again. So i texted him today and he didn't reply and really doubt he will ever.

What bothers me is that he didn't reply not because he didn't like me (which i know he did :P ) but because he's in denial, he can't accept the fact that he likes men, he even told my cousin he danced with a girl, a really hot girl, but he said girl non the less.

He kissed me because he was drunk, i don't know how much he had drank, but i know he wouldn't kiss me being sober.

And i feel used and bothered and uncomfortable.
And today i discovered he gave me a hickey, which is just the cherry of the cake or however the line goes.

And i don't want to talk to my friends about this, i feel as if the connection is fading. I feel that i need a new crowd, i need new people in my life.
Just wish that people were more easily available.

News flash:

He has replied, he wants to see me but...

Besides, i can't stop coughing, fucking bacteria.