The Fear of Attraction

Shura's picture

I am uncomfortable with how much Tig turns me on. He has his moments, and in those I am very attracted to him. It makes me fear losing control. I know he would enjoy dominating me, too, but he enjoys being submissive more, as far as he's said. I really want to be in a mental space to top him. But he's so very attractive to me... it's not that I get lost in moments with him, really, it's just that I enjoy them very, very much.

I am also over-thinking and over-labeling these possibilities. In the end, it comes down to Fun, and Play. It comes down to a fluid, evolving interaction that stumbles upon discoveries on every corner. If we click again, who knows what we may end up doing?

I need to talk to him about his body. He's recently come out as trans, and is relearning some of his physicalities. Knowing where he stands and how he perceives himself are important to how I will see and touch.

I wish he could read this blog. I wish I could clarify and communicate these things without feeling like I'm overthinking something that shouldn't be a big deal.

Except that his friendship, loyalty, curiousity, and attraction are a big deal to me. We both believe in Freedom, which is awesome; I don't want to become disinterested in someone who offers so many possibilities for exploring life.

Le Sigh.
Le Groan.