wow i really hope i don't delete this is one like i deleted the one i was writing last night. It was real shame because i managed to get so some stuff out that I've been trying to figure out for a long time.
But just to sum up quickly so its off my chest (even if not put quite so eloquently as it was last night), i have this ex bf called David who i really loved but dumped due to my own ridiculous adequacies. And i know i hurt him. A lot. And i feel terrible and guilty all the time but especially when I'm around him. And i still love him, but not like i did before, because i guess my subconscious figured theres only so much you can hurt someone and still say you love them like i did. Wow long sum up. So that's what it's taken me a whole year to figure out.
I still feel pretty crap about the whole thing, but its good to have finally figured it out...i think. I guess one good thing is that he seems to forgive me (even though I've never really explained things properly) so at least were still friends and real friends, not just bullshit.
In other news i got my exam results back on Monday. Did about as well as I'd expected; mostly A's for History, English and Natural Sciences; B's in Physical Sciences and mainly C's but a few B's in Maths. Because of the science part i decided to swap from physical sciences to biology. I must admit i did baulk a bit when i got my book list for next year =/.
Christmas is too close i have decided, in my infinite wisdom. Three weeks today. Christmas is the time of year that I most long for a relationship. But no, unless a new contender for Mr Perfect turns up in the next the weeks, I'm out of luck, I'm out of love.